I am so sick of this cold I could scream. I mean honestly, I've been coughing for like 8 weeks now. It's so bad that I'm to the point that I pee myself a little when I go into a total coughing fit. I also randomly vurp from the mucus and the acid reflux issues I'm having. The pregnancy isn't even bugging me much anymore in comparison to this cold. I threw up a stomach full of post nasal drip this morning. It's terrible. I was so dehydrated last night that Bob ran out to get me gatoraid. I can't stomach water. It's disguisting to me. He even admitted I wasn't looking to good. I feel like I've hit a brick wall most of the time.
My friend told me to try vitamin D3 in 5000IU dose (that's what her dr. who is a naturalist tells her to take). I googled around and it seems most dr.s recommend this for pregnant women in 4000IU dose but that some in only 400!!! WTF? So I think I'm going to meet in the middle. I researched the vitamin and it seems to have only good effects. My dr. is so conservative he'll probably advice against it. He's even known in the hosp. as being one of the most conservative doctors. He's a very good dr. But some things I feel like he could give a little on.
I'll probably call my general practicioner and ask her since she works through a different hospital and is less conservative. There is an ob/gyn in her office so she'll prob. confer with her and get back to me.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Nervous
My appt is in 40 min. My hubby is running late.
My stomach is super upset. I'm starving and there's nothing here I can eat (w/ out nearly vomiting)
The kids are being super gremlins and this cough is so bad that I even pee myself sometimes.
I'm sooooooooooo nervous about this u/s. My last one was when I m/c'd at the u/s office and nearly hemoraged to death. This is so hard for me to even walk into this office again and go through this again. I feel like I could have a panic attack having to go back there. I wish my dr. had other options.
I wish my stomach wasn't burning from hunger either. I had cream of wheat for breakfast & 2 pieces of toast w/ cream cheese around 10am.....soooooooooooo hungry I'm light headed. Today is not a good day.
Jackson also slammed his hand in the bedroom door and refuses to nap. He's just walking around crying and whining. I'm so stressed I don't want to deal with this. I just want to go by myself. I don't want my husband going with. I'm a ball of nerves and then I feel like I have to be a rock for him too and I just can't.
My stomach is super upset. I'm starving and there's nothing here I can eat (w/ out nearly vomiting)
The kids are being super gremlins and this cough is so bad that I even pee myself sometimes.
I'm sooooooooooo nervous about this u/s. My last one was when I m/c'd at the u/s office and nearly hemoraged to death. This is so hard for me to even walk into this office again and go through this again. I feel like I could have a panic attack having to go back there. I wish my dr. had other options.
I wish my stomach wasn't burning from hunger either. I had cream of wheat for breakfast & 2 pieces of toast w/ cream cheese around 10am.....soooooooooooo hungry I'm light headed. Today is not a good day.
Jackson also slammed his hand in the bedroom door and refuses to nap. He's just walking around crying and whining. I'm so stressed I don't want to deal with this. I just want to go by myself. I don't want my husband going with. I'm a ball of nerves and then I feel like I have to be a rock for him too and I just can't.
Happy Holidays
MERRY CHRISTMAS! :-)
I can't believe Christmas is 2 days away! It seems like we just celebrated Thanksgiving. We have a very busy holiday weekend planned. Today Bob gets off work at noon and he's bringing Lorena home with him. She'll be babysitting for us since I have a 1:20 ultrasound appointment. Hopefully we'll find out how far along I am soon. Tonight Lisa & Mike are coming over to exchange Christmas pressents. Last night Bob took Amber to our other neighbors (John & Chrissy) to exchange. My cough was really bad so I stayed home and let Jackson go to bed (we had planned on keeping him up to open gifts but he was tired anyways). They got Amber a cute hair bow set and a diary set that came w/ a pen that has 2 colors (all of which were proudly displayed on Amber's legs this morning LOL). Wednesday morning our neighbor Tracey stopped by to drop off gifts. She got us a game for game night and the kids a tent w/ a crawl tunnel. Since we have a crawl tunnel (and not much room for the tent) we took it to the play room at the tennis club & the kids had a BLAST! It was a great gift! Since they're up there playing 3 days a week it will get lots of use!
Tonight we're also going to let the kids open the gifts Caletta got them. She sends quite a bit & since they're 3 & almost 2, they get bored of opening after 10 min. & want us to do it. So we break it all up so they enjoy everything. We'll open Mike & Lisa's, after they leave I plan on making sugar cookies with Amber (so we'll have cookies to leave out for Santa of course) and then we'll open Auntie Caletta's gifts. Saturday morning we're going to Bob's mom's at 10am. She's doing brunch. So they'll open up whatever their Grandma & papa got them and I think whatever their cousin and uncle got them too. After we leave Bob's mom's we'll prob. swing by our house, drop off gifts and let the dogs out & then head over to my mom's.
Bob's family tends to over do things and over buy and I feel like it's a competition and a bit chaotic. Thankfully my mom's is much more low key. She gets the kids each 2 gifts. 1 is a small box of clothes (one or two outfits) and then a nice toy. She sends a savings bond since it's the gift that will keep giving. We'll have lasagna and an amish chicken and just relax. It's a nice time. If we have time we'll go to church but since we're going to be driving all over I'm not going to rush.
Christmas eve I'll have the kids throw out the "reindeer food" into the front lawn and leave cookies & milk for Santa. We'll set up a few toys so when they wake up on Christmas morning they'll see them. I have a folding slide and some stuffed animals and a cop car for Jackson.
My family (mom, sister & her fiance) will come over around 10:00'ish and we'll hang out, open gifts and I'm making Christmas lunch. It's nice and laid back. I love it. I'm making a huge meal! I'm a little nervous because I'm making a turkey breast for the 1st time ever. We're having turkey breast, stuffing, mashed potato, sweet potato, gravy, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, sweet corn and I have a cheese & sausage platter to set out and I'm making deviled eggs. I have red velvet petit fours for dessert. I also am making my famous apricot swizzle punch. I can't wait.
I can't believe Christmas is 2 days away! It seems like we just celebrated Thanksgiving. We have a very busy holiday weekend planned. Today Bob gets off work at noon and he's bringing Lorena home with him. She'll be babysitting for us since I have a 1:20 ultrasound appointment. Hopefully we'll find out how far along I am soon. Tonight Lisa & Mike are coming over to exchange Christmas pressents. Last night Bob took Amber to our other neighbors (John & Chrissy) to exchange. My cough was really bad so I stayed home and let Jackson go to bed (we had planned on keeping him up to open gifts but he was tired anyways). They got Amber a cute hair bow set and a diary set that came w/ a pen that has 2 colors (all of which were proudly displayed on Amber's legs this morning LOL). Wednesday morning our neighbor Tracey stopped by to drop off gifts. She got us a game for game night and the kids a tent w/ a crawl tunnel. Since we have a crawl tunnel (and not much room for the tent) we took it to the play room at the tennis club & the kids had a BLAST! It was a great gift! Since they're up there playing 3 days a week it will get lots of use!
Tonight we're also going to let the kids open the gifts Caletta got them. She sends quite a bit & since they're 3 & almost 2, they get bored of opening after 10 min. & want us to do it. So we break it all up so they enjoy everything. We'll open Mike & Lisa's, after they leave I plan on making sugar cookies with Amber (so we'll have cookies to leave out for Santa of course) and then we'll open Auntie Caletta's gifts. Saturday morning we're going to Bob's mom's at 10am. She's doing brunch. So they'll open up whatever their Grandma & papa got them and I think whatever their cousin and uncle got them too. After we leave Bob's mom's we'll prob. swing by our house, drop off gifts and let the dogs out & then head over to my mom's.
Bob's family tends to over do things and over buy and I feel like it's a competition and a bit chaotic. Thankfully my mom's is much more low key. She gets the kids each 2 gifts. 1 is a small box of clothes (one or two outfits) and then a nice toy. She sends a savings bond since it's the gift that will keep giving. We'll have lasagna and an amish chicken and just relax. It's a nice time. If we have time we'll go to church but since we're going to be driving all over I'm not going to rush.
Christmas eve I'll have the kids throw out the "reindeer food" into the front lawn and leave cookies & milk for Santa. We'll set up a few toys so when they wake up on Christmas morning they'll see them. I have a folding slide and some stuffed animals and a cop car for Jackson.
My family (mom, sister & her fiance) will come over around 10:00'ish and we'll hang out, open gifts and I'm making Christmas lunch. It's nice and laid back. I love it. I'm making a huge meal! I'm a little nervous because I'm making a turkey breast for the 1st time ever. We're having turkey breast, stuffing, mashed potato, sweet potato, gravy, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, sweet corn and I have a cheese & sausage platter to set out and I'm making deviled eggs. I have red velvet petit fours for dessert. I also am making my famous apricot swizzle punch. I can't wait.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
frazzled day
We went to church w/ the kids this morning. I was shakey and feeling crappy so we dropped Amber off for Sunday School & ran over to McDonalds. Jack fell asleep in the car so we ate in the car & woke him 10 min. before we had to pick Amber up & head over to service. He was crabby. He crabbed through all of service. It was communion today and I'm so used to communion at my old church where we take the cracker & then a drink from a small thimble cup that I didn't even think about it. We get in line at this church, take the cracker & then most dunk the cracker in a community cup. Well, since I have only taken 1 communion here I forgot and ate the cracker & then got to the cup. GAH. So the man was like "take a sip".......great...........I felt like such a dork drinking from the community cup but for my entire life (up til this church, and like I said, this is my 2nd communion here) it was cracker from pastor, walk over to a tray of tiny thimble cups, drink and place empty on the next tray. So it was 2nd nature to eat the cracker 1st. I hope I'm not the only person who had to drink from the community cup, I felt (and still feel) like a dork. Dork Dork Dork. I need to put a note in my bible as a reminder that communion in this church is different then every church I've ever been to in the past. I was always raised "eat first, then drink" not take and dunk then chew soggy. Gah............stupid me. But we do like this church & it's amber's preschool so we're trying to attend more.
I came home and laid down w/ Amber to watch toot & puddle's christmas special & bob watched the bears game with Jackson. I feel asleep for 3 hours. I was so exhausted. I'm still not feeling right. My mom's coming over by 8:30am so I need to be dressed and ready 'cause tomorrow is Amber's pre-school Christmas recital.
I came home and laid down w/ Amber to watch toot & puddle's christmas special & bob watched the bears game with Jackson. I feel asleep for 3 hours. I was so exhausted. I'm still not feeling right. My mom's coming over by 8:30am so I need to be dressed and ready 'cause tomorrow is Amber's pre-school Christmas recital.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
worry
I probably shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I don't have as many symptoms as I use to have and now I'm worried that something is wrong with this pregnancy/baby. I wake up and I'm ok. I tend to get a little shakey feeling around 10:00am'ish and sometimes I feel like I hit a brick wall around 1pm-3pm. I did notice last night that I had a much more difficult time sleeping on my stomach and my boobs still feel like punching bags but I'm not nautious like I use to be. It has me worried. After my last loss that was so bad (I nearly died) I'm just worried. Very Very Worried! I go next Friday (6 more days) to the office for my scheduled ultra sound. I guess if I keep worrying I can call my dr. and see if he can tell them I need to get in sooner. I wish I weren't so paranoid. What's meant to be will be.
Last night we had Bob's work Christmas Party and I was able to eat for the most part. The ranch def. stood out to me on the salad and the soup seemed peppery to me (I'm always pepper sensitive) but dinner was good. The green beans were great, the steak was dry but ok. I didn't want to eat the chicken, it had a wierd smokey taste to it (Bob said it was great and there was no smokey taste) so I didn't eat that. I did love the ice cream after dinner. Bob was even surprised I was able to eat as easily as I did. So that has me worried too. Normally at night I don't eat so well.
I hate not knowing how far a long I am. I think I might be 8 weeks....I should be feeling much cruddier.
Last night we had Bob's work Christmas Party and I was able to eat for the most part. The ranch def. stood out to me on the salad and the soup seemed peppery to me (I'm always pepper sensitive) but dinner was good. The green beans were great, the steak was dry but ok. I didn't want to eat the chicken, it had a wierd smokey taste to it (Bob said it was great and there was no smokey taste) so I didn't eat that. I did love the ice cream after dinner. Bob was even surprised I was able to eat as easily as I did. So that has me worried too. Normally at night I don't eat so well.
I hate not knowing how far a long I am. I think I might be 8 weeks....I should be feeling much cruddier.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Not feeling up to it
Tonight is my husbands Christmas party and I'm not looking forward to it. I am bulky looking. I guess 'cause it's my 7th pregnancy and I have 2 kids (3 and under) that all that flabby belly skin (even though I was a size 8 a few weeks ago) just wanted to puff out and make me look more pregnant then I am. Nothing fits. I'm in maternity pants. Grantid I don't know how far along I am. I'm either about 8 weeks or 11 weeks. I go next Friday for an ultrasound and then we'll know for sure. So I had to buy a dress in a size 12 just to hide the buldge. I bought shoes w/ mega heels to give me height and hopefully make me look leaner. I also have a push up bra that adds 2 sized (urgh) to help take focus off my belly. It's hard for me being #1 the boss's wife and #2 the owners daugther in law because people actually do pay attention to me. I can't wall flower it and hide or I seem rude and like I don't want to socialize with the employees. And it's at my mother in laws other business (banquet hall) so I have to be nice to the wait staff too who will try to talk to me. I look like I haven't slept in days and I feel like crap. I know it's all good signs that things are going ok. I did just eat some left over stew (at 4:30 pm LOL) because dinner isn't til like 8pm. The banquet starts at 7pm and I'll be enjoying some shirley's tonight LOL. If any one asks I'll just say I have a long day with the kids tomorrow or lie and say they're dirty shirley's. Looks the same to the unsuspecting eye.
I'm in the 1 lucky spot. If I were at a party w/ my friends and didn't want them to know and pulled the "dirty shirley" card then one of my friends would be like "oooooh give me a sip" but at a work party, no one would ask the boss's wife for a sip.
I also am ready for lounge pants and bed by 9pm most nights and we're not even starting salad until 8pm........I tried laying down on amber's bunk while she napped on the couch and Jackson climbed on me and I realized I fell asleep. Only for about 3 min because little einsteins was still on the same song but Jackson had made it to the desk, into the check book and had the credit cards out LOL. Way to parent. LOL.
I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I possibly can because #1, you never know if it'll last, I did lose my last baby (prior to the chem. preg.) at 11w6d. And #2, this is my last pregnancy no matter what. I won't go through this again. We want 3 kids and I'm hoping this works out that we have our 3rd child, but if it doesn't,....I'm not going for 8 pregnancies, I'll just be happy with the 2 I have. It takes to much away from my kids w/ feeling crappy and then the recovery if I lose and all the doctors visits and lab work. So this is it. I'm really hoping everything keeps on working out ok.
I'm in the 1 lucky spot. If I were at a party w/ my friends and didn't want them to know and pulled the "dirty shirley" card then one of my friends would be like "oooooh give me a sip" but at a work party, no one would ask the boss's wife for a sip.
I also am ready for lounge pants and bed by 9pm most nights and we're not even starting salad until 8pm........I tried laying down on amber's bunk while she napped on the couch and Jackson climbed on me and I realized I fell asleep. Only for about 3 min because little einsteins was still on the same song but Jackson had made it to the desk, into the check book and had the credit cards out LOL. Way to parent. LOL.
I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I possibly can because #1, you never know if it'll last, I did lose my last baby (prior to the chem. preg.) at 11w6d. And #2, this is my last pregnancy no matter what. I won't go through this again. We want 3 kids and I'm hoping this works out that we have our 3rd child, but if it doesn't,....I'm not going for 8 pregnancies, I'll just be happy with the 2 I have. It takes to much away from my kids w/ feeling crappy and then the recovery if I lose and all the doctors visits and lab work. So this is it. I'm really hoping everything keeps on working out ok.
Monday, December 12, 2011
sometimes worried, sometimes not
All morning I was worried that something was wrong. I've had a decrease in pregnancy symptoms, but now, I ate lunch about 45 min. ago and my stomach is upset feeling. I haven't been as sick in the mornings as I was before and the smell of food hasn't been making me as sick. I'm able to eat more but I still have an extensive "do not eat" list and the thought of some foods makes me instantly sick. I just want everything to be ok. I go back to the doctor tomorrow.
I also have Lorena here tomorrow and I have quite a bit to get done. I have to go to Michaels and get some meltable chocolate and pick up pretzil rods and some little decorative bags and ties for the chocolate covered pretzils for Bob's mom's bake sale that benefits St. Jude Childrens hospital.
Friday is the work christmas party and I literally have nothing to wear. I'm so bloated and I'm really trying to hide this as long as possible. I don't know if I should go buy something or not. Saturday Bob wanted to get together w/ some friends and have a game night at the house, somehow I'm supposed to stay awake and function for that. Saturday afternoon he's going to get his tattoo so I'll be alone with the kids all day. Wednesday night I have to drive out to Aurora in rush hour traffic (should take 90 min.) to see Miranda in the wedding dress she thinks she wants. Just so much going on. I'm so stressed.
And then I have the constant worry that something could be wrong w/ this pregnancy in the back of my mind. I don't want to jinx myself. I'm not spotting. I spotted w/ the last two. I keep checking as if I'm waiting for it to start. I think when it's your 7th pregnancy and you only have 2 living children to show for it that you become very paranoid and worried.
I also have Lorena here tomorrow and I have quite a bit to get done. I have to go to Michaels and get some meltable chocolate and pick up pretzil rods and some little decorative bags and ties for the chocolate covered pretzils for Bob's mom's bake sale that benefits St. Jude Childrens hospital.
Friday is the work christmas party and I literally have nothing to wear. I'm so bloated and I'm really trying to hide this as long as possible. I don't know if I should go buy something or not. Saturday Bob wanted to get together w/ some friends and have a game night at the house, somehow I'm supposed to stay awake and function for that. Saturday afternoon he's going to get his tattoo so I'll be alone with the kids all day. Wednesday night I have to drive out to Aurora in rush hour traffic (should take 90 min.) to see Miranda in the wedding dress she thinks she wants. Just so much going on. I'm so stressed.
And then I have the constant worry that something could be wrong w/ this pregnancy in the back of my mind. I don't want to jinx myself. I'm not spotting. I spotted w/ the last two. I keep checking as if I'm waiting for it to start. I think when it's your 7th pregnancy and you only have 2 living children to show for it that you become very paranoid and worried.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
so alone
I am so tired of feeling so alone. I try to just suck it up and deal with it but sometimes it overwhelms me. This morning I finally lost it and freaked out. Amber had been whining and screaming and she tried to hit Bob, she spent 15 min. on the naughty mat, she tells us no, it was ridiculous. Bob gave her breakfast & she threw it all over the kitchen. Jackson is just screaming to be picked up constantly. Bob took Duke in for his vaccinations and Amber started telling me how hungry she was & she wanted nuts for lunch. I told her to wait, we'd figure out a better lunch once I did my hair. I still had a towel on my head! I just wanted to toss some gel in so it wouldn't frizz. None of my clothes look good on me. I have nothing to hide the fact that I'm in maternity pants and I have to go to my sisters wedding dress shopping outing today. My mom will surely comment about my pants. I don't want to tell people yet. We don't even know how far along I am. My mom asks a million questions and won't stop asking even after I tell her there is no answer. My dr. even can't figure out how far along I am, he said it's a miracle I'm even pregnant. I go back tuesday & he'll give me a script for an u/s and then we should have an idea. I know I'm at least 7 weeks but could be up to 10 or 11. Anyways, Amber started yelling at jackson and I lost it. I don't swear around my kids and I hardly ever raise my voice. I swore and yelled and sent her to nap and Jack was so upset he just followed. Then she was doing her fake cry screatch that she does and I told her I'd give her something to cry about if she didn't knock it off. I just can't take it anymore.
My mom has NEVER babysat Jackson and he's 20 mo. old. My mother in law did not babysit either child the entire end of October or most of November. On November 27th I was supposed to go to the ob/gyn, she offered to babysit for the first time in like 4 or 5 weeks. He got called for an emergency delivery so my appt. got rescheduled but she offered to still take them for 3 or 4 hours since she hadn't seen them in so long. That was the last time she baby sat them. We're going on 3 weeks again now. BUT she has my niece all the time, even went to the circus with her. She then makes comments that she misses Amber and Jackson. I just want to yell "Well B*tch......make time for them then." I tell her and my mom "If you want to see them just tell me, I'll make them available and even drive them out to you".............the phone doesn't ring. But they both make comments about missing them. Whenever we ask them to babysit it's a huge ordeal. My mom starts making excuses, she lives alone and complains that she does nothing but sit with her cats and never goes out or does anything but when we ask her to watch Amber because Amber tells us she misses her, she suddenly is busy. But then she'll slip up a week later & admit she sat home & did nothing. Bob's mom gets out her "book" and is surprise surprise, booked up for 2-3 weeks solid with Riley so she can't squeeze in Amber and Jackson. I'm so fed up.
I wish my step dad Rich were still alive. He wanted to be a grandpa. He never would of let my mom be the way she is. He was a good man. He was the only person I had to ever rely on and the only family I ever had. Even my mom's friends made a joke at cookie day a few weeks ago that I was on my own since I was 12. My mom was never around. I have less then 5 childhood memories of my mom. My grandma raised me. My dad before he turned 40 because drugs & booze were more important. All my memories of him are terrible. Yelling. Screaming. Hitting. Throwing. He was a terrible father and my mom was a horse shit mother. My grandma and my step father were the only people in my life worth anything and my step father was only around from about age 16-26. Not fair! I needed him still!!!! My grandma passed away almost 2 years ago.
My inlaws are terrible. I can't stand them. My brother in law is selfish and only cares about himself. My father in law drinks a lot and doesn't like me because of my mother in law. And my mother in law doesn't like me because of years of lies my ex sister in law told her. My ex sister in law even admitted to me and my husband's faces that she made up stuff for years to turn the family against me. So everyone hates me because of lies. And no one will accept that they don't even know me.
I hate.
That basically sums up how I feel.
I hate so much. I hate so many. I hate having hate in my heart and I feel like I'm constantly screwed over. Here I am, 31, pregnant for the 7th time and scared to death I'll lose this one too. I have 2 kids thank GOD! I have a husband that I think loves me. But that's really it. My 2 closest friends live so far away, one 90 min. in the car, the other 3 hours on a plane.
My sister is selfish and never around, I can't rely on her.
I hate where we live. It's terrible. The schools are terrible. The people are terrible. The traffic is terrible. But we're stuck. I am grateful we have a house, I just wish we could relocate it. I LOVE our house, even if it is small, it's home. It's our home.
I want to live in Decatur and I have to give that dream up. I feel like decatur is home. My cousins live there, I love them. Everyone is so nice. I feel like I'm part of something. I know they are busy and have their own lives, but just having family around that does want to hang out and be together is so nice. They do sunday lunches and when we visit we're just expected to be there. Everyone eats and has a good time. It's family and I need that so bad. I feel so empty here.
But bob works for his mom and their business is here so I have to give up everything. I have to give up family and love and feeling like I fit in. I have to live here with In-laws who hate me, my mother who is a total selfish a-hole and who only cares about my sister who only cares about herself.
If miranda's car breaks down or something happens my mom runs to help her. If mine has to go into the shop I have to take both kids and sit for hours. If miranda wants a shopping partner, my mom goes. I have to take both kids by myself and often strangers help me out when they're out of control. If miranda wants to get food, my mom takes her and treats, if I ask she turns me down 9 out of 10 times.
I hate.
My mom has NEVER babysat Jackson and he's 20 mo. old. My mother in law did not babysit either child the entire end of October or most of November. On November 27th I was supposed to go to the ob/gyn, she offered to babysit for the first time in like 4 or 5 weeks. He got called for an emergency delivery so my appt. got rescheduled but she offered to still take them for 3 or 4 hours since she hadn't seen them in so long. That was the last time she baby sat them. We're going on 3 weeks again now. BUT she has my niece all the time, even went to the circus with her. She then makes comments that she misses Amber and Jackson. I just want to yell "Well B*tch......make time for them then." I tell her and my mom "If you want to see them just tell me, I'll make them available and even drive them out to you".............the phone doesn't ring. But they both make comments about missing them. Whenever we ask them to babysit it's a huge ordeal. My mom starts making excuses, she lives alone and complains that she does nothing but sit with her cats and never goes out or does anything but when we ask her to watch Amber because Amber tells us she misses her, she suddenly is busy. But then she'll slip up a week later & admit she sat home & did nothing. Bob's mom gets out her "book" and is surprise surprise, booked up for 2-3 weeks solid with Riley so she can't squeeze in Amber and Jackson. I'm so fed up.
I wish my step dad Rich were still alive. He wanted to be a grandpa. He never would of let my mom be the way she is. He was a good man. He was the only person I had to ever rely on and the only family I ever had. Even my mom's friends made a joke at cookie day a few weeks ago that I was on my own since I was 12. My mom was never around. I have less then 5 childhood memories of my mom. My grandma raised me. My dad before he turned 40 because drugs & booze were more important. All my memories of him are terrible. Yelling. Screaming. Hitting. Throwing. He was a terrible father and my mom was a horse shit mother. My grandma and my step father were the only people in my life worth anything and my step father was only around from about age 16-26. Not fair! I needed him still!!!! My grandma passed away almost 2 years ago.
My inlaws are terrible. I can't stand them. My brother in law is selfish and only cares about himself. My father in law drinks a lot and doesn't like me because of my mother in law. And my mother in law doesn't like me because of years of lies my ex sister in law told her. My ex sister in law even admitted to me and my husband's faces that she made up stuff for years to turn the family against me. So everyone hates me because of lies. And no one will accept that they don't even know me.
I hate.
That basically sums up how I feel.
I hate so much. I hate so many. I hate having hate in my heart and I feel like I'm constantly screwed over. Here I am, 31, pregnant for the 7th time and scared to death I'll lose this one too. I have 2 kids thank GOD! I have a husband that I think loves me. But that's really it. My 2 closest friends live so far away, one 90 min. in the car, the other 3 hours on a plane.
My sister is selfish and never around, I can't rely on her.
I hate where we live. It's terrible. The schools are terrible. The people are terrible. The traffic is terrible. But we're stuck. I am grateful we have a house, I just wish we could relocate it. I LOVE our house, even if it is small, it's home. It's our home.
I want to live in Decatur and I have to give that dream up. I feel like decatur is home. My cousins live there, I love them. Everyone is so nice. I feel like I'm part of something. I know they are busy and have their own lives, but just having family around that does want to hang out and be together is so nice. They do sunday lunches and when we visit we're just expected to be there. Everyone eats and has a good time. It's family and I need that so bad. I feel so empty here.
But bob works for his mom and their business is here so I have to give up everything. I have to give up family and love and feeling like I fit in. I have to live here with In-laws who hate me, my mother who is a total selfish a-hole and who only cares about my sister who only cares about herself.
If miranda's car breaks down or something happens my mom runs to help her. If mine has to go into the shop I have to take both kids and sit for hours. If miranda wants a shopping partner, my mom goes. I have to take both kids by myself and often strangers help me out when they're out of control. If miranda wants to get food, my mom takes her and treats, if I ask she turns me down 9 out of 10 times.
I hate.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Holy Crap!
Dr. McInerney just called me at home at my HCG level is just over 2,000 and my progesterone level is at 20!!!!!!!!!!!!! he said those numbers are great and I don't need to use the suppositories.
Dr.'s office today
So I had a 1:15pm dr.'s appointment.
I waited til 1:33 to see the nurse (I had gotten there at 1:00pm so I already felt like I was waiting forever since I was so nervous about finding out if I was pregnant or not)
I told the nurse I had taken tests & they came back positive & asked if that was even possible because I was told I didn't ovulate. She said "let's do a test and see". She did one on me & it came back positive. So then she said she wasn't sure if the doctor would want to meet with me or just send me right over for lab work. It took another 20 min. before she could get ahold of him (it was very busy in his office today) and he wanted to see me. He did an exam & said my uterous felt swollen and said he's seen lots of miracles around the holidays. He didn't have an explanation other then maybe I ovulated early which makes no sense to me because I took my OPK like 3 days after I stopped bleeding from my period and my progesterone 8 days later was abnormally low. So he prescribed me a progesterone pill and the pharmacy just called me to tell me it's been filled.
I went for blood work after the dr.'s office & the tech butchered my arm. It was bad. I still hurt & I am not a wimp about blood tests. I go back Thursday around 3pm for my 48 hour repeat.
When I told Bob he wasn't happy. He actually was rather numb & didn't have much to say to me. He doesn't want 3. He wanted to wait to have a 3rd if we were even going to have a 3rd. If this doesn't work out and I have another loss I'm going to tell him to just get his vasectomy because he doesn't want this and I don't want to make him feel like he has to.
I waited til 1:33 to see the nurse (I had gotten there at 1:00pm so I already felt like I was waiting forever since I was so nervous about finding out if I was pregnant or not)
I told the nurse I had taken tests & they came back positive & asked if that was even possible because I was told I didn't ovulate. She said "let's do a test and see". She did one on me & it came back positive. So then she said she wasn't sure if the doctor would want to meet with me or just send me right over for lab work. It took another 20 min. before she could get ahold of him (it was very busy in his office today) and he wanted to see me. He did an exam & said my uterous felt swollen and said he's seen lots of miracles around the holidays. He didn't have an explanation other then maybe I ovulated early which makes no sense to me because I took my OPK like 3 days after I stopped bleeding from my period and my progesterone 8 days later was abnormally low. So he prescribed me a progesterone pill and the pharmacy just called me to tell me it's been filled.
I went for blood work after the dr.'s office & the tech butchered my arm. It was bad. I still hurt & I am not a wimp about blood tests. I go back Thursday around 3pm for my 48 hour repeat.
When I told Bob he wasn't happy. He actually was rather numb & didn't have much to say to me. He doesn't want 3. He wanted to wait to have a 3rd if we were even going to have a 3rd. If this doesn't work out and I have another loss I'm going to tell him to just get his vasectomy because he doesn't want this and I don't want to make him feel like he has to.
Monday, November 28, 2011
confused
So the dr's office called me about 2 weeks ago & told me I didn't ovulate.
Someone please tell me how yesterday & today I got a postive on a HPT.
Dr.'s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon. Hopefully I get some answers.
This is all also fabulous timing for Bob to tell me he wants to hold off on having more kids.
I haven't told him I pregnant yet. I figured I'd wait until after I talked to the dr. tomorrow.
If it's just another chemical pregnancy there's no point in him even knowing right now.
Someone please tell me how yesterday & today I got a postive on a HPT.
Dr.'s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon. Hopefully I get some answers.
This is all also fabulous timing for Bob to tell me he wants to hold off on having more kids.
I haven't told him I pregnant yet. I figured I'd wait until after I talked to the dr. tomorrow.
If it's just another chemical pregnancy there's no point in him even knowing right now.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Life lately
Life lately hasn't been the greatest.
I found out I was pregnant in September (right around my bday) and it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. My dr. told me to have a cycle in October and then start using OPK's and to call his office when I got a + OPK because they would send me for blood work. I got a positive and went 8 days later for blood work. The office called me 5 days after that and told me my progesterone level was 7.14 and normal after ovulation is 10 so that means I didn't ovulate. So now I will meet with my doctor tomorrow at 12:30 to find out what to do next. I have been so stressed out about this. I feel broken.
I had blood work done in September w/ my loyola dr. to find out about my +ANA and it turned out I had antibodies for sjogrens syndrome. I went to see her last week for a follow up and discovered I am at half strength in my dominant hand so now I'm in a splint for the next month.
I have been so stressed out I feel like I'm going to lose it. All Jackson does is scream all day. He climbs the safety gates and gets to everything. Today I was helping Amber in the bathroom, she got her underwear somehow tangled up in her leggings. In the time it took me to help her, he climbed the baby gate, pushed the kitchen table chair to the counter and climbed up & was going for the knifes! I ran, fell, thought I sprained my wrist and got to him in time. It was such a blur. That kid is like spider man. I never imagined a child could climb so quickly! I didn't even hear him moving the chair across the floor cause of the skid proof coasters on the bottom of the chairs. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He screamed on and off for 7 hours today 'cause I wouldn't let him cry. It was 42 and raining out so I couldn't take him outside.
Today was/is my husbands birthday and it's ruined. He came home, Jack climbed the table while I was trying to feed the dogs. He fell off the table. I got so mad I threw the plastic tupperware bowl. My husband was right there!!!! He should have stopped Jack, I was busy. I went to the bedroom & slamme the door. We have CHEAP doors and my shoe rack hangs on the back of it. My shoe went through the door. Now we have to buy another door and money is so tight. I feel like such an asshat for slamming the door but my body aches from all the lifting (jack off of things) today. I'm exhausted and I feel like I have no one.
Amber is so easy and I feel like she's neglected some days 'cause she's the easy one. I'm constantly busy with Jack and she'll just go watch TV and be a complete angel. She's so happy just having a cup of milk and watching TV and jack is into EVERYTHING. He even tp'd the bathroom while I was getting her a cup of water. He's so fast! He gets past every baby proofing object we buy. He has even figured out how to unbuckle the safety latches on shopping cart seats! Nothing I do seems to keep him "safe".
My husband packed the kids up and left. Just left. He took them to go out w/ MY mom and MY sister and her fiance for his b-day dinner and just left me home. I watched a show I recorded and had a beer. I feel better but I feel like a total jerk. I have so much stress and I'm having such a hard time coping.
My family is never there when I need them. They work & live far and when I'm stressed w/ no help...it's just me. I don't feel like I have family I can rely on.
My mother in law watches my niece like 3 x's a week but has no problem going weeks with out seeing my kids and she basically admitted to me that my niece is her favorite. It sucks and I really hate my mother in law for the way she is. I have such a hard time trying to like her. I feel fake and I'm not a fake person. I hate being around her. I hate having to be nice to her. I hate having to do anything with her because she is very unfair w/ my the kids. She favors my niece, she'll spoil her & buy her toys and clothes and take her to the rainforest cafe, choo choo diner and to plays and the circus but doesn't do anything with my kids. My niece's parents (are seperated) make $100,000 EACH! We make $70,000 total. Our kids don't get to do those extra's because money is tight. We are VERY fortunate to budget in a pass to the zoo and the arboretum and a trip to a indoor play area once a month. So it's not like my kids do with out but we're not as fortunate as my brother in law and ex sister in law and mother in law spoils the heck out of their child but does nothing for mine. We'll be out & she'll buy toys for my niece and NOTHING for my kids who are standing there and sometimes I Just can't budget something so they watch gifts being bought and get nothing from their own grandmother. I just wish she wouldn't do it in front of them. It bugs me that she does it at all but it really bugs me when they have to witness. I know it teaches them a lesson that they don't always get things and that they need to be happy with what they have but it's still obnoxious. Why shove her favortism in their faces? They'll grow up resenting her, which I find some peace in because I resent her so much.
She babysits for my ex sister in law so she can go to the spa or get her hair done or go out for martini's with her friends but never for me. I pay $10/ hour for someone to watch my kids if I need to get my hair done. Last year I quit getting it professionally done. I just dyed it from a box to get rid of grays so I didn't have to pay so frequently & would go 4 months w/ out a hair cut & get crappy cuts from great clips because they're faster. I can't spend $80 at a salon and $30 in babysitting. My husbands work schedule isn't reliable because guess what? he works for his mom. So if she needs to help out brother in law or ex sister in law then my husband has to work longer days or more days so I can't make appointments for fun. Making dr.'s appointments is about 4 weeks of scheduling. I'm tired of my life revolving around theirs and them being so spoiled w/ the free babysitting.
I don't expect someone to just do all this for me but it's hard living here and seeing it happen like 3 times a week. I can't wait for us to move, at least then my in laws won't be 3 min. down the road and ignoring us and treating my kids like they don't exist right under my nose.
What fumes me the most is how my Brother In law is a liar and my sister in law admitted to lying to the family and trying to ruin my marriage for 4 YEARS. Now that's dedication. And my mother in law jumps through hoops for them. My husband and I work hard and have no one to ever rely on and have been victims of his family for years. I wish we could cut ties but he works for them. In this economy he can't just up and quit. He has job security.
I commented on my friend's page last week that my mother in law said she wouldn't get my daughter a doll for Christmas because my niece takes her dolls in the tub & ruins them. UHM, what does my niece have to do with my daughter? It's not fair. She even bases the gifts she gets Amber off of Riley. Well, my brother in law went psycho & told my husband I'm talking sh*t and that he's done biting his tongue and it was crazy. He even copied and pasted the comment to my husband. My husband told him "dude, she didn't say anything bad" and so to get revenge, my brother in law told my mother in law I was saying bad things on Facebook. She asked me what Amber wanted (the other day) for Christmas and I said "well, my mom got her a doll and I got her..." and she cut me off and said "OH no, no dolls. I'm not getting either girl a doll"..................WTF? Uhm, my daughter LOVES dolls. That's all she really wants. So my mother in law said she saw some animal thing on the TV that she thinks my daughter would like. I 100% guarantee she won't like it, she's in a doll phase. She's 3. It's just her thing now, she's ignoring all her toys except for her dolls lately. I hope whatever my mother in law gets her comes w/ a gift receipt. Then she asked me to email her some non doll ideas.
Why won't she just get her what she likes? What is wrong with this woman?
So I did send her over a few things. Amber has a mobigo and could use a few new games. It was nearly impossible coming up with any other ideas. My daughter wanted the lalaloopsy doll. I bought that for her and my sister got her one in pink (I bought her yellow silly hair). My mom got her an Our Generation doll from Target that she wanted. She also wanted a Dora princess doll, she LOVES Dora and I couldn't put that on the list. I'm so frustrated.
I'm thinking of finding someone to talk to because I don't know how to deal with his family anymore. I know this is all trivial stuff, but 5 years of it is really taking a toll on me. I've never met a group of people who purposely try to continually hurt someone & who purposely want to hurt a childs feelings. It's so aggrivating. I am ready to snap.
I found out I was pregnant in September (right around my bday) and it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. My dr. told me to have a cycle in October and then start using OPK's and to call his office when I got a + OPK because they would send me for blood work. I got a positive and went 8 days later for blood work. The office called me 5 days after that and told me my progesterone level was 7.14 and normal after ovulation is 10 so that means I didn't ovulate. So now I will meet with my doctor tomorrow at 12:30 to find out what to do next. I have been so stressed out about this. I feel broken.
I had blood work done in September w/ my loyola dr. to find out about my +ANA and it turned out I had antibodies for sjogrens syndrome. I went to see her last week for a follow up and discovered I am at half strength in my dominant hand so now I'm in a splint for the next month.
I have been so stressed out I feel like I'm going to lose it. All Jackson does is scream all day. He climbs the safety gates and gets to everything. Today I was helping Amber in the bathroom, she got her underwear somehow tangled up in her leggings. In the time it took me to help her, he climbed the baby gate, pushed the kitchen table chair to the counter and climbed up & was going for the knifes! I ran, fell, thought I sprained my wrist and got to him in time. It was such a blur. That kid is like spider man. I never imagined a child could climb so quickly! I didn't even hear him moving the chair across the floor cause of the skid proof coasters on the bottom of the chairs. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He screamed on and off for 7 hours today 'cause I wouldn't let him cry. It was 42 and raining out so I couldn't take him outside.
Today was/is my husbands birthday and it's ruined. He came home, Jack climbed the table while I was trying to feed the dogs. He fell off the table. I got so mad I threw the plastic tupperware bowl. My husband was right there!!!! He should have stopped Jack, I was busy. I went to the bedroom & slamme the door. We have CHEAP doors and my shoe rack hangs on the back of it. My shoe went through the door. Now we have to buy another door and money is so tight. I feel like such an asshat for slamming the door but my body aches from all the lifting (jack off of things) today. I'm exhausted and I feel like I have no one.
Amber is so easy and I feel like she's neglected some days 'cause she's the easy one. I'm constantly busy with Jack and she'll just go watch TV and be a complete angel. She's so happy just having a cup of milk and watching TV and jack is into EVERYTHING. He even tp'd the bathroom while I was getting her a cup of water. He's so fast! He gets past every baby proofing object we buy. He has even figured out how to unbuckle the safety latches on shopping cart seats! Nothing I do seems to keep him "safe".
My husband packed the kids up and left. Just left. He took them to go out w/ MY mom and MY sister and her fiance for his b-day dinner and just left me home. I watched a show I recorded and had a beer. I feel better but I feel like a total jerk. I have so much stress and I'm having such a hard time coping.
My family is never there when I need them. They work & live far and when I'm stressed w/ no help...it's just me. I don't feel like I have family I can rely on.
My mother in law watches my niece like 3 x's a week but has no problem going weeks with out seeing my kids and she basically admitted to me that my niece is her favorite. It sucks and I really hate my mother in law for the way she is. I have such a hard time trying to like her. I feel fake and I'm not a fake person. I hate being around her. I hate having to be nice to her. I hate having to do anything with her because she is very unfair w/ my the kids. She favors my niece, she'll spoil her & buy her toys and clothes and take her to the rainforest cafe, choo choo diner and to plays and the circus but doesn't do anything with my kids. My niece's parents (are seperated) make $100,000 EACH! We make $70,000 total. Our kids don't get to do those extra's because money is tight. We are VERY fortunate to budget in a pass to the zoo and the arboretum and a trip to a indoor play area once a month. So it's not like my kids do with out but we're not as fortunate as my brother in law and ex sister in law and mother in law spoils the heck out of their child but does nothing for mine. We'll be out & she'll buy toys for my niece and NOTHING for my kids who are standing there and sometimes I Just can't budget something so they watch gifts being bought and get nothing from their own grandmother. I just wish she wouldn't do it in front of them. It bugs me that she does it at all but it really bugs me when they have to witness. I know it teaches them a lesson that they don't always get things and that they need to be happy with what they have but it's still obnoxious. Why shove her favortism in their faces? They'll grow up resenting her, which I find some peace in because I resent her so much.
She babysits for my ex sister in law so she can go to the spa or get her hair done or go out for martini's with her friends but never for me. I pay $10/ hour for someone to watch my kids if I need to get my hair done. Last year I quit getting it professionally done. I just dyed it from a box to get rid of grays so I didn't have to pay so frequently & would go 4 months w/ out a hair cut & get crappy cuts from great clips because they're faster. I can't spend $80 at a salon and $30 in babysitting. My husbands work schedule isn't reliable because guess what? he works for his mom. So if she needs to help out brother in law or ex sister in law then my husband has to work longer days or more days so I can't make appointments for fun. Making dr.'s appointments is about 4 weeks of scheduling. I'm tired of my life revolving around theirs and them being so spoiled w/ the free babysitting.
I don't expect someone to just do all this for me but it's hard living here and seeing it happen like 3 times a week. I can't wait for us to move, at least then my in laws won't be 3 min. down the road and ignoring us and treating my kids like they don't exist right under my nose.
What fumes me the most is how my Brother In law is a liar and my sister in law admitted to lying to the family and trying to ruin my marriage for 4 YEARS. Now that's dedication. And my mother in law jumps through hoops for them. My husband and I work hard and have no one to ever rely on and have been victims of his family for years. I wish we could cut ties but he works for them. In this economy he can't just up and quit. He has job security.
I commented on my friend's page last week that my mother in law said she wouldn't get my daughter a doll for Christmas because my niece takes her dolls in the tub & ruins them. UHM, what does my niece have to do with my daughter? It's not fair. She even bases the gifts she gets Amber off of Riley. Well, my brother in law went psycho & told my husband I'm talking sh*t and that he's done biting his tongue and it was crazy. He even copied and pasted the comment to my husband. My husband told him "dude, she didn't say anything bad" and so to get revenge, my brother in law told my mother in law I was saying bad things on Facebook. She asked me what Amber wanted (the other day) for Christmas and I said "well, my mom got her a doll and I got her..." and she cut me off and said "OH no, no dolls. I'm not getting either girl a doll"..................WTF? Uhm, my daughter LOVES dolls. That's all she really wants. So my mother in law said she saw some animal thing on the TV that she thinks my daughter would like. I 100% guarantee she won't like it, she's in a doll phase. She's 3. It's just her thing now, she's ignoring all her toys except for her dolls lately. I hope whatever my mother in law gets her comes w/ a gift receipt. Then she asked me to email her some non doll ideas.
Why won't she just get her what she likes? What is wrong with this woman?
So I did send her over a few things. Amber has a mobigo and could use a few new games. It was nearly impossible coming up with any other ideas. My daughter wanted the lalaloopsy doll. I bought that for her and my sister got her one in pink (I bought her yellow silly hair). My mom got her an Our Generation doll from Target that she wanted. She also wanted a Dora princess doll, she LOVES Dora and I couldn't put that on the list. I'm so frustrated.
I'm thinking of finding someone to talk to because I don't know how to deal with his family anymore. I know this is all trivial stuff, but 5 years of it is really taking a toll on me. I've never met a group of people who purposely try to continually hurt someone & who purposely want to hurt a childs feelings. It's so aggrivating. I am ready to snap.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Vandalism, Burglary and threats
So here's the long one I promised in my craft fair blog.
Last Winter Bob hired this guy named Jim to work the front desk. Well, the guy ended up being a terrible employee. He would drink on his shift and Bob found a bottle of beer in his desk drawer! He even accused his brother because who on his staff would do that? Most had been there for many years. Well, the day we were buying my mini van (in May, before my m/c) Jim called Bob while we were at the sales desk working out the details on the van and he demanded a raise. Bob said "uhm, you haven't been with me 90 days, we evaluate your performance after 90 days and we'll discuss a raise then. Jim said "Well, if you're not going to give me a raise I'm leaving" and Bob said "ok, if you don't want to wait til your probation period is up that is fine" and Jim hung up. So Bob called the front desk and talked to the other front desk person who informed him that Jim came in, cracked a beer, sat at Bob's desk, called Bob, then came out front, screamed and made a scene and walked out. CRAZY. Well, since he walked out during his probationary period, no unemployment.
So a few weeks later Bob had to go up to the club for something and he stayed to work out. When he got out someone had broken his windows on his truck and his sun roof. WTF? Now there's shattered glass everywhere, even in the kids car seats! So we had to have that replaced.
Now in the mean time Bob tells me that he wants to hang out with Beth. The front desk girl who worked with Jim. He said she's really nice and he is going to make her the night manager. I like Beth. Her and I have talked and she is very sweet. So I'm ok with this. We went to a Sox game w/ her and her sister. We invited her over on the 4th of July to watch fire works. I really do like Beth but I've been apprehensive about her for a while.
She had told Bob when his truck windows were busted that she talked to Jim & Jim knew all about it and then was acting wierd saying "maybe he was targeted, maybe people were looking for something"
Well Bob took that as hilarious & thought "there's nothing to find out about me" I quickly said "well, did you have anything in your truck w/ your home address on it?" because I'm home all day w/ the kids and during the winter when Bob's plowing I'm home alone at night with them. Bob said no, that he didn't think so.
I will say, though it concerns me, it doesn't totally scare me because as I've stated in past blogs, I work with rottweiler rescue. At this current time I have 3 dogs in my house. A 75lb cane corso lab mix, a 65lb lab/hound mix and a 120lb pure bred rottweiler. ALL are very protective over this house, myself and especially the children. Even with a gun, one can only fire off so many shots w/ out being attacked by the dog that didn't get in the way. I love my pets and I'd never want anything to happen to them but I also have to consider if some insane nutjob had my address.....I'd stand a chance of getting out on time w/ the kids 'cause of my dogs and dogs are so loyal, they'll protect their loving family til the end. This is why I rescue and why I help the extreme abuse/neglect cases...no creature deserves that!
Well.....I also have been sleeping w/ my car keys next to my side of the bed because I have the panic button on them & my car is always in the drive next to my house. I could hit that button to draw attention. My cell is bedside and I have the dogs.
So I'll get back to Jim. Well, now a few weeks ago someone broke into the tennis club. Broke through the front doors and then through the 2nd set of glass doors. This guy Jim had a buddy named Nick working at the club. Nick STILL has a key to the club. Bob can't get ahold of him to get the key back and it's $1,400 a lock to get those locked changed so Bob's being cheap and sacraficing the safety of his employees. THIS ticks me off to no end. THIS is what we got into a fight about last night. He is however having an alarm system installed next week so I guess it won't matter so much. The system is extensive & will cover every door to the club, even the random utility doors. Well, Beth text messaged Bob last night that Jim text or called her (I couldn't tell which, bob was vague) and that Jim knew about the break in & even said "they probably just took the TV"..........UHM, that's the ONLY thing that was taken.
I said when the break in happened that it was Jim. It wouldn't surpise me if they got in w/ Nick's key & just busted everything up to be destructive. And to take a TV we bought the day after thanskgiving on the black friday clearance for like $400 was so stupid. All that damage, the risk of being caught & going to jail.....for a $400 tv.....I knew it wasn't random,....I knew it was someone w/ something against him.
I'm not stupid and I'm sick and tired of Bob acting like I am and being so stupid about everything. Then he tries to push it off on his mom like "well, she wouldn't approve this and that"
I told him the next thing that's going to happen is he's going to be targeted. I'm worried. I'm worried that one winter night while Bob's plowing that someone is going to attack him or shoot or stab him. This guy is demented and he's not stopping. He waits a couple months and attacks again and each time it's bolder and bigger.
I keep typing more and realizing this is a public blog and I need to not type to much.
I have a craft fair I need to go get ready for. Time to end this blog.
Last Winter Bob hired this guy named Jim to work the front desk. Well, the guy ended up being a terrible employee. He would drink on his shift and Bob found a bottle of beer in his desk drawer! He even accused his brother because who on his staff would do that? Most had been there for many years. Well, the day we were buying my mini van (in May, before my m/c) Jim called Bob while we were at the sales desk working out the details on the van and he demanded a raise. Bob said "uhm, you haven't been with me 90 days, we evaluate your performance after 90 days and we'll discuss a raise then. Jim said "Well, if you're not going to give me a raise I'm leaving" and Bob said "ok, if you don't want to wait til your probation period is up that is fine" and Jim hung up. So Bob called the front desk and talked to the other front desk person who informed him that Jim came in, cracked a beer, sat at Bob's desk, called Bob, then came out front, screamed and made a scene and walked out. CRAZY. Well, since he walked out during his probationary period, no unemployment.
So a few weeks later Bob had to go up to the club for something and he stayed to work out. When he got out someone had broken his windows on his truck and his sun roof. WTF? Now there's shattered glass everywhere, even in the kids car seats! So we had to have that replaced.
Now in the mean time Bob tells me that he wants to hang out with Beth. The front desk girl who worked with Jim. He said she's really nice and he is going to make her the night manager. I like Beth. Her and I have talked and she is very sweet. So I'm ok with this. We went to a Sox game w/ her and her sister. We invited her over on the 4th of July to watch fire works. I really do like Beth but I've been apprehensive about her for a while.
She had told Bob when his truck windows were busted that she talked to Jim & Jim knew all about it and then was acting wierd saying "maybe he was targeted, maybe people were looking for something"
Well Bob took that as hilarious & thought "there's nothing to find out about me" I quickly said "well, did you have anything in your truck w/ your home address on it?" because I'm home all day w/ the kids and during the winter when Bob's plowing I'm home alone at night with them. Bob said no, that he didn't think so.
I will say, though it concerns me, it doesn't totally scare me because as I've stated in past blogs, I work with rottweiler rescue. At this current time I have 3 dogs in my house. A 75lb cane corso lab mix, a 65lb lab/hound mix and a 120lb pure bred rottweiler. ALL are very protective over this house, myself and especially the children. Even with a gun, one can only fire off so many shots w/ out being attacked by the dog that didn't get in the way. I love my pets and I'd never want anything to happen to them but I also have to consider if some insane nutjob had my address.....I'd stand a chance of getting out on time w/ the kids 'cause of my dogs and dogs are so loyal, they'll protect their loving family til the end. This is why I rescue and why I help the extreme abuse/neglect cases...no creature deserves that!
Well.....I also have been sleeping w/ my car keys next to my side of the bed because I have the panic button on them & my car is always in the drive next to my house. I could hit that button to draw attention. My cell is bedside and I have the dogs.
So I'll get back to Jim. Well, now a few weeks ago someone broke into the tennis club. Broke through the front doors and then through the 2nd set of glass doors. This guy Jim had a buddy named Nick working at the club. Nick STILL has a key to the club. Bob can't get ahold of him to get the key back and it's $1,400 a lock to get those locked changed so Bob's being cheap and sacraficing the safety of his employees. THIS ticks me off to no end. THIS is what we got into a fight about last night. He is however having an alarm system installed next week so I guess it won't matter so much. The system is extensive & will cover every door to the club, even the random utility doors. Well, Beth text messaged Bob last night that Jim text or called her (I couldn't tell which, bob was vague) and that Jim knew about the break in & even said "they probably just took the TV"..........UHM, that's the ONLY thing that was taken.
I said when the break in happened that it was Jim. It wouldn't surpise me if they got in w/ Nick's key & just busted everything up to be destructive. And to take a TV we bought the day after thanskgiving on the black friday clearance for like $400 was so stupid. All that damage, the risk of being caught & going to jail.....for a $400 tv.....I knew it wasn't random,....I knew it was someone w/ something against him.
I'm not stupid and I'm sick and tired of Bob acting like I am and being so stupid about everything. Then he tries to push it off on his mom like "well, she wouldn't approve this and that"
I told him the next thing that's going to happen is he's going to be targeted. I'm worried. I'm worried that one winter night while Bob's plowing that someone is going to attack him or shoot or stab him. This guy is demented and he's not stopping. He waits a couple months and attacks again and each time it's bolder and bigger.
I keep typing more and realizing this is a public blog and I need to not type to much.
I have a craft fair I need to go get ready for. Time to end this blog.
Craft Fair
I'm hosting a craft fair today and I'm a nervous wreck. My kids are being boogers and screaming and making messes and I can't keep up. I'm only going to have 90 min. to get the room pulled, spots assigned, reservation forms made and set up my own table and take care of the 3 who didn't come in this week and are doing late payment/reservation. I am so stressed. My mother in law's supposed to be here in like a half hour & the kids are still in their PJ's. Amber's lastest is she pulls her pants down & tries to run. UGH. she's gonna crack her head on something if she trips. Then she yells at me to pull her pants up. I don't know what has gotten into her. She's got such an attitude. She's also started lying and I can't stand that.
Last night I was up making the craft fair signs to put outside. Bob just slept.
We went shopping and he got stressed because of the amount of money we had to spend. He never comes shopping with me. I warned him in advance the 4 x's a year we go to sam's club is a lot of money. Well, he was so "stressed" that we came home, I cooked dinner, he gave the kids their baths, I cleaned up from dinner, we put the kids to bed and by 7:30pm he was in bed!!!! IN BED. So I had to clean up the rest of the house, flip the laundry, make the signs for the craft fair and go out to the garage in search of a stake of some kind to fix to the signs to put them in the ground while he slept! He woke up, asked what I was doing. He checked his emails and texts (that'll be a dif. post) and then he went back to bed mad at me when I told him he was being stupid. Again, that's the next blog. It's lengthy.
Last night I was up making the craft fair signs to put outside. Bob just slept.
We went shopping and he got stressed because of the amount of money we had to spend. He never comes shopping with me. I warned him in advance the 4 x's a year we go to sam's club is a lot of money. Well, he was so "stressed" that we came home, I cooked dinner, he gave the kids their baths, I cleaned up from dinner, we put the kids to bed and by 7:30pm he was in bed!!!! IN BED. So I had to clean up the rest of the house, flip the laundry, make the signs for the craft fair and go out to the garage in search of a stake of some kind to fix to the signs to put them in the ground while he slept! He woke up, asked what I was doing. He checked his emails and texts (that'll be a dif. post) and then he went back to bed mad at me when I told him he was being stupid. Again, that's the next blog. It's lengthy.
Loss
So I found out the 22nd of September that I was pregnant. I had a faint positive. I thought it could have been an evap line so I decided to wait and test again on Sunday when I was officially "late". Sunday morning I took a test and it came back positive. Tuesday I started bleeding. I had gone Monday for my 1st blood draw, my dr. made me go back Wednesday for my 2nd blood draw just to check levels since I did have an ectopic in the past. Awesome Birthday gift to me. Another loss :-(
I ended up seeing Dr. Mc on the 5th of October (once the bleeding was nearly over and just minimal spotting) and he told me it was a chemical pregnancy. He told me I can try this month if I want but to take a baby aspirin every day. If I don't get pregnant this month then starting next month I have to use OPK's. When I get a + he wants me to call him. He's sending me for blood work to determine if my body is making enough progesterone. If I am not making enough then he's putting me on progesterone and then he said "or chlomid" I haven't even googled around to find out why Chlomid. So I need to learn some about that. He didn't tell me why. He told me that once I had that blood draw I would talk to him again. So I figured I'd leave that question for a time where it was relevant. 4 losses and 2 living children. I just want a 3rd. I can't believe how hard this is. I am so depressed over all of this.
I ended up seeing Dr. Mc on the 5th of October (once the bleeding was nearly over and just minimal spotting) and he told me it was a chemical pregnancy. He told me I can try this month if I want but to take a baby aspirin every day. If I don't get pregnant this month then starting next month I have to use OPK's. When I get a + he wants me to call him. He's sending me for blood work to determine if my body is making enough progesterone. If I am not making enough then he's putting me on progesterone and then he said "or chlomid" I haven't even googled around to find out why Chlomid. So I need to learn some about that. He didn't tell me why. He told me that once I had that blood draw I would talk to him again. So I figured I'd leave that question for a time where it was relevant. 4 losses and 2 living children. I just want a 3rd. I can't believe how hard this is. I am so depressed over all of this.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Things seem good
I don't want to jinx things but so far they seem good. My In-Laws have been really good. We even had them over for dinner. My mom has been bearable. Though she did annoy me yesterday. I had no clue Sunday was grandparents day. I don't buy hallmark calendars. She called to tell me her friend who is a grandma got gifts & she did not. I said "Well, you saw the kids" and she said "did you get Barb anything?" Barb is my MIL. I said "MOM, I had no idea it was grandparents day, I wouldn't buy her something and not you....she didn't get anything or see the kids" and she just was just like "well, I just figured 'cause she's seen them so much lately. OMG mom....you are in an air cast and working f/t and doing physical therapy 3x's a week and go to church on Sunday and usually want that day to yourself. What do you expect? I can't put more hours in the day. But other then her insanity things are good.
Last week was O week so we'll see. I have a really good feeling that this month is our month but again, I don't want to jinx things. I'm hopeful. I have the baby itch BIG TIME.
This will be month #4 of ttc. I know it took like 6 mo. to get pregnant w/ Amber and that was after 2 losses. I guess technically it was a 11 mo. process with Amber. I just thought it would be easy. I was wrong. I got pregnant w/ Jackson while I was on the pill. I got pregnant w/ the baby I lost in June while I was on the pill. I just wish this time it would happen and I wouldnt spend another month sad and then trying to figure out O time and everything.
Last week was O week so we'll see. I have a really good feeling that this month is our month but again, I don't want to jinx things. I'm hopeful. I have the baby itch BIG TIME.
This will be month #4 of ttc. I know it took like 6 mo. to get pregnant w/ Amber and that was after 2 losses. I guess technically it was a 11 mo. process with Amber. I just thought it would be easy. I was wrong. I got pregnant w/ Jackson while I was on the pill. I got pregnant w/ the baby I lost in June while I was on the pill. I just wish this time it would happen and I wouldnt spend another month sad and then trying to figure out O time and everything.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Where to start?
I don't even know where to start. So we ended up not going to Florida because my mother in law & I really got into it. Once I confronted her about the whole Casey Anthony thing and how comparing me to her because I want to give my children benadryl because the pediatrician recommended it is NOT cool. It was a huge blow up. She disowned us & then called the next day and I guess re-owned us? LOL.
I told her I didn't want to keep the kids from her and I wanted them to know their grandmother. I wanted to be able to do vacations together because I vacationed w/ my grandma as a kid and have some really good memories. So we decided to drive down to Starved Rock and we stayed at Grizzly Jacks Great Bear Lodge. The kids had a great time at the water park and the jump park. We hiked around starved rock and had dinner in town at a nice restaurant. We rented a townhouse style log cabin and it was a fun time. Ever since the trip my mother in law & I have actually been getting along.
We had our house painted and it looks great. My husband and I have finally settled on an area to move to. We are loving Peotone IL and now we are in a 2-3 year plan. We figure we're going to lose our asses on our house so we need to save $35,000 of our own money for a deposit. So we are saving $1,000 a month and stocking away our income taxes. At least this is our goal. If we are able to actually walk away not owing on our house then we'll have a nest egg.
Amber just started preschool this week. I can't believe my big girl is in school already.
Jackson is doing really well, in to everything!
Amber was sick for the week before her birthday & then the day we came home from Starved Rock she was throwing up & had a fever & the fever lasted for about a week on & off. It was scary. I hate how she gets spiking fevers.
I have been totally slacking on writing my book. I need to do this. I just need to sit down and do this. I am at the point that I don't know what direction I really want this to go and I'm having a hard time so I just stopped but I think I might have a good story to tell so I need to get on with it.
I told her I didn't want to keep the kids from her and I wanted them to know their grandmother. I wanted to be able to do vacations together because I vacationed w/ my grandma as a kid and have some really good memories. So we decided to drive down to Starved Rock and we stayed at Grizzly Jacks Great Bear Lodge. The kids had a great time at the water park and the jump park. We hiked around starved rock and had dinner in town at a nice restaurant. We rented a townhouse style log cabin and it was a fun time. Ever since the trip my mother in law & I have actually been getting along.
We had our house painted and it looks great. My husband and I have finally settled on an area to move to. We are loving Peotone IL and now we are in a 2-3 year plan. We figure we're going to lose our asses on our house so we need to save $35,000 of our own money for a deposit. So we are saving $1,000 a month and stocking away our income taxes. At least this is our goal. If we are able to actually walk away not owing on our house then we'll have a nest egg.
Amber just started preschool this week. I can't believe my big girl is in school already.
Jackson is doing really well, in to everything!
Amber was sick for the week before her birthday & then the day we came home from Starved Rock she was throwing up & had a fever & the fever lasted for about a week on & off. It was scary. I hate how she gets spiking fevers.
I have been totally slacking on writing my book. I need to do this. I just need to sit down and do this. I am at the point that I don't know what direction I really want this to go and I'm having a hard time so I just stopped but I think I might have a good story to tell so I need to get on with it.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Just want to scream
So I was invited to a FB group about remembering fallen reavis rams. They were stupidly discussing my step dads death. It just ticks me off. He was one of the best people I ever knew and the only family member that really meant anything to me.
One person thought he died of cancer. One person mentions his sister Kathy but not his sister barb and then they're bragging about his son Kevin starting law school.
OK, real quick....Kathlene borrowed money non stop and gambled it away. She was terrible and he couldn't tolerate her most of the time.
His sister Barb (the one no one remembers) is the one we still talk to. she's so sweet!
His son, stopped coming around when he turned 18 and didn't get child support anymore. Rich had to beg him to come around. His aunt Barb tries to talk to him, he won't return her calls. Kevin got Rich's portion of grandma's marge house when it sold (after she passed) and he pulled up in a new hummer (from Rich's life insurance policy that kevin got) and took the money from barb ( about $60,000 ) and then left. That was it. She can't hardly even get a returned email from him.
Way to brag about the sister and kid who didn't care and forget about the family that would have loved him if he didn't have a penny to his name.
OH I cannot wait for Karma to kick these people in their @sses!
One person thought he died of cancer. One person mentions his sister Kathy but not his sister barb and then they're bragging about his son Kevin starting law school.
OK, real quick....Kathlene borrowed money non stop and gambled it away. She was terrible and he couldn't tolerate her most of the time.
His sister Barb (the one no one remembers) is the one we still talk to. she's so sweet!
His son, stopped coming around when he turned 18 and didn't get child support anymore. Rich had to beg him to come around. His aunt Barb tries to talk to him, he won't return her calls. Kevin got Rich's portion of grandma's marge house when it sold (after she passed) and he pulled up in a new hummer (from Rich's life insurance policy that kevin got) and took the money from barb ( about $60,000 ) and then left. That was it. She can't hardly even get a returned email from him.
Way to brag about the sister and kid who didn't care and forget about the family that would have loved him if he didn't have a penny to his name.
OH I cannot wait for Karma to kick these people in their @sses!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
been gone so long
I haven't blogged in so long. I have been reading books like crazy. This is what I do to "escape". Jackson screams and climbs all day long. I try to take the kids out to do stuff but sometimes I feel like I'm failing. We go to the park, little red school house, mall, zoo and basic shopping all the time but I'm just so stressed lately. Amber's birthday party was this past weekend. I can't believe my baby girl is 3 years old! We had a block party the same day. It was awesome. Unfortunately it rained most of the day.
I have somewhat halted at writing my book. Not writers block, I know where I want to go with it. I'm just so absorbed in these books I've been reading.
I had started the wondrous strange series a while ago and it was good and now I'm on book 2 and it sucks. I'm disappointed. I read the wings series and I cannot wait until book 4 gets released that series is awesome! LOVED IT!
And I have a bunch of series of books I'm waiting on conclusions for....
My blood approves series by amanda hocking
Need series by carrie jones
Sleight by Jennifer sommersby
and now Wings by aprilynne Pike.
I hate having things lingering where I can't just be done with them.
these books were all soooooo good.
I heard the 2nd book in the Slieght series comes out in the fall, as does the last book of the My blood approves series. I think the last book in the Need series comes out in like December or January and the last book of the wings series not until freakin' May of 2012. Gah.....That series is awesome. Disney bought the rights to it to make it a movie. BTW, I'm team Tamani.
I have an ass load of books here at home to read too and I'm totally slacking on them.
This coming weekend we're taking the kids up to Union IL to see Thomas the Train. We bought tickets a month ago. I can't wait. I think it'll be a good time.
I have somewhat halted at writing my book. Not writers block, I know where I want to go with it. I'm just so absorbed in these books I've been reading.
I had started the wondrous strange series a while ago and it was good and now I'm on book 2 and it sucks. I'm disappointed. I read the wings series and I cannot wait until book 4 gets released that series is awesome! LOVED IT!
And I have a bunch of series of books I'm waiting on conclusions for....
My blood approves series by amanda hocking
Need series by carrie jones
Sleight by Jennifer sommersby
and now Wings by aprilynne Pike.
I hate having things lingering where I can't just be done with them.
these books were all soooooo good.
I heard the 2nd book in the Slieght series comes out in the fall, as does the last book of the My blood approves series. I think the last book in the Need series comes out in like December or January and the last book of the wings series not until freakin' May of 2012. Gah.....That series is awesome. Disney bought the rights to it to make it a movie. BTW, I'm team Tamani.
I have an ass load of books here at home to read too and I'm totally slacking on them.
This coming weekend we're taking the kids up to Union IL to see Thomas the Train. We bought tickets a month ago. I can't wait. I think it'll be a good time.
Friday, August 5, 2011
so much to do lately
I've been so swamped lately. Not like I have "followers" LOL. I am exhausted. I had another chiro appointment today, I had to go to the dollar tree & get more decorations for Amber's b-day party. I stopped and rented a jumper for her party next Saturday and then hit up Walmart for stuff for her candyland table and the party in general. Lots of N/A beverages. Since we're doing the block party too we're just telling people BYOB. I also had to get Liz's son Riley a birthday gift. Bob took Rocky to be neutered this morning & now took Amber with him to go pick up Rocky and bring him home. Hopefully we hear all good news about Rocky. I'm worried about these spots on his stomach and his eye lids.
He has lots of eye boogers.
I just put Jackson down to bed. He didn't afternoon nap. Normally he goes down at 6:30pm but he went down at 6pm tonight.
He has lots of eye boogers.
I just put Jackson down to bed. He didn't afternoon nap. Normally he goes down at 6:30pm but he went down at 6pm tonight.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tired
I'm just so tired.
The kids have had me exhausted.
Getting my period has me depressed.
The thought of flying to FL in a few weeks has me nervous.
I am taking Amber for her 3 year check up today and Barb's babysitting Jack so I don't have to take him with.
I've decided to try writing a book as a stress reliever. My goal is a chapter a day. I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just write and see what comes to me. I didn't even know what direction I wanted this book to go in when I started it. I'm still waiting to see where it takes me. It's hard to write at all. I take an hour while the kids are napping but usually Amber's up about 3x's telling me she has to pee.
Maybe writing this book will help take my mind off of ttc.
The kids have had me exhausted.
Getting my period has me depressed.
The thought of flying to FL in a few weeks has me nervous.
I am taking Amber for her 3 year check up today and Barb's babysitting Jack so I don't have to take him with.
I've decided to try writing a book as a stress reliever. My goal is a chapter a day. I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just write and see what comes to me. I didn't even know what direction I wanted this book to go in when I started it. I'm still waiting to see where it takes me. It's hard to write at all. I take an hour while the kids are napping but usually Amber's up about 3x's telling me she has to pee.
Maybe writing this book will help take my mind off of ttc.
Monday, August 1, 2011
July wasn't our month, but it was a busy month
Well, AF came. So July wasn't our month. I was really hopeful and I think I started thinking I had symptoms that just weren't there. TTC is such a roller coaster. I know everything works out for a reason. We're going to FL in a few weeks so it'll be nice not feeling like crap while we're down there.
We had our garage sale Saturday and that went over pretty well. I hate those early birds though who won't go away. Who insist on sorting through everything before we even had it out on the tables. It was very annoying. Even though we told them "9am" then I had one woman stand there and tell me we should have opened our garage sale sooner. I said "I have a 1 and 2 year old, this is the soonest I could do, they come first." She continued to stand there and stare at me through my fence.
So I let out my 3 dogs. She didn't seem to happy about that and told me she was scared of dogs because she was bit once. I said, "Well, at 9am when the garage sale starts here, then we'll put them in the house".......They were behind the fence, in my yard where we were setting everything up at. She was the one trying to get into my back yard with me telling her "no, not yet"..........Stupid people.
Yesterday my sister came over and hung out. It was nice. We played w/ the kids in the pool and grilled up some salmon burgers, regular burgers and hot dogs. She stayed til like midnight. I'm so tired today, but it's well worth it. We never do much anyways.
Jen from animal heartline rescue told me she put Rocky up on Petfinder. I'm sad. I really do want to adopt him but part of me is holding back too because he might have some medical issues. I'm not sure we're in a place right now to take on large vet bills. He keeps scratching at his stomach and I found wierd things that look like moles. Maybe it's nothing but we'll know Friday. Also, his eyes tear a lot and he paws at them. I think he has a condition where the lower eye lid flips under and irritates the eye. This requires surgery to correct. We're going to get him vaccinated and neutered and we can do other minor vetting, but getting into surgeries on a dog we just took in to help out with....that might be a bit more then we can deal with. BUT I don't want him to be miserable, if we don't help him, who will?
We had our garage sale Saturday and that went over pretty well. I hate those early birds though who won't go away. Who insist on sorting through everything before we even had it out on the tables. It was very annoying. Even though we told them "9am" then I had one woman stand there and tell me we should have opened our garage sale sooner. I said "I have a 1 and 2 year old, this is the soonest I could do, they come first." She continued to stand there and stare at me through my fence.
So I let out my 3 dogs. She didn't seem to happy about that and told me she was scared of dogs because she was bit once. I said, "Well, at 9am when the garage sale starts here, then we'll put them in the house".......They were behind the fence, in my yard where we were setting everything up at. She was the one trying to get into my back yard with me telling her "no, not yet"..........Stupid people.
Yesterday my sister came over and hung out. It was nice. We played w/ the kids in the pool and grilled up some salmon burgers, regular burgers and hot dogs. She stayed til like midnight. I'm so tired today, but it's well worth it. We never do much anyways.
Jen from animal heartline rescue told me she put Rocky up on Petfinder. I'm sad. I really do want to adopt him but part of me is holding back too because he might have some medical issues. I'm not sure we're in a place right now to take on large vet bills. He keeps scratching at his stomach and I found wierd things that look like moles. Maybe it's nothing but we'll know Friday. Also, his eyes tear a lot and he paws at them. I think he has a condition where the lower eye lid flips under and irritates the eye. This requires surgery to correct. We're going to get him vaccinated and neutered and we can do other minor vetting, but getting into surgeries on a dog we just took in to help out with....that might be a bit more then we can deal with. BUT I don't want him to be miserable, if we don't help him, who will?
Friday, July 29, 2011
For Pete's Sake
In about 2 hours we are meeting up at the Monee/Manhattan exit to pick up Petey the pit from Renssalier (sp?) IN. He was in a high kill shelter and origionally had an adopter in NY who backed out the day a pet pilot was arranged for transport. Tues. evening I saw the email go around that Friday was his PTS date so I emailed the rescue and now we will be fostering him. I'm nervous. I am very very very nervous and have to not show that around the dog. Pits scare me a little. I know it's a bad rap....everyone says that but I can't help but be nervous.
Duke is a total dick head and humps everything and plays rough and I don't want to be breaking up or dealing with a dog fight with my small kids around. Carl is VERY protective over the kids and us so I'm just hoping this doesn't cause a problem. 2 male dogs in the house had me worried but now 3....and one isn't neutered! Petey's getting neutered Tuesday at the latest!
Everyone tells me great things about pits, everything online has me scared sh*ttless.
Then everyone looks at me like I'm a whack job even thinking about being scared when they find out I work w/ rottie rescue and that I have a 110lb rottweiler. Even people in rescue who like pits seem to not be the biggest fans of rotties but I trust my rottie to the moon and back.
Petey has a huge head. That scares me.
Carl's head is bigger then mine. I must be nuts.
Duke is a total dick head and humps everything and plays rough and I don't want to be breaking up or dealing with a dog fight with my small kids around. Carl is VERY protective over the kids and us so I'm just hoping this doesn't cause a problem. 2 male dogs in the house had me worried but now 3....and one isn't neutered! Petey's getting neutered Tuesday at the latest!
Everyone tells me great things about pits, everything online has me scared sh*ttless.
Then everyone looks at me like I'm a whack job even thinking about being scared when they find out I work w/ rottie rescue and that I have a 110lb rottweiler. Even people in rescue who like pits seem to not be the biggest fans of rotties but I trust my rottie to the moon and back.
Petey has a huge head. That scares me.
Carl's head is bigger then mine. I must be nuts.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Been slacking
So I've been slacking on Blogging. I've been enjoying my time with the kids. Nearly every day we go swimming in the back yard in our little quick set pool and we do errands all the time. I have been planning Amber's 3rd b-day party too and that has been time consuming. I love party planning though. I'm also helping my sister w/ some minor early stage wedding planning (sending her places to check out and what not). I called the baker today about Amber's b-day cake and sent my sister the info so she'd have the baker for the wedding cake.
I've been going to the chiropractor and having adjustments. My back has been in some bad shape lately.
So onto fertility talk LOL. This weekend AF is due. I'm getting nervous since we did try for a while, then my back went out. We were together 3 times supposedly during "O" time. So we'll see. We haven't been together in over a week now because of my back. We tried one night and hubby was to distracted by the obvious pain I was in. Stinkin' back! Urgh. Ruining intimate time! Anyways, I took a test earlier in the week at the "5 day before a missed period mark" it couldn't tell. Stupid 5 day early tests. With my luck I'm all up in a hopeful dither for nothing. I really want this month to be our month. I am so ready to be pregnant again and complete our family. 3 is our number. Considering I've already been pregnant 5 times! urgh. I just want my last little baby to hold in my arms. I hope God sends her back to me.
So I've been naughty and enjoying a few cocktails because this might be the end of the cocktails for me. But either way I've decided, if AF comes this weekend then I am done w/ the drinks until our anniversary in FL, then I will have a drink to celebrate our 5 year. I want a healthier body, healthier life style. Not like I have a problem. Giving up alcohol is never a problem for me, but I do enjoy a glass of wine every night and I know they say red wine is good for you, but I'm having a glass of white right now Ha! Last night I had a mint julip actually and it was delicious. I've already started eating better and cut back the caffeine to 1 cup of coffee in the morning and that's it. VERY RARELY do I even have a cola during the day. I've also had sushi a few times this month and I'm getting in my lunch meat intake here & there since if I get a BFP this weekend I know I have to cut it all out. I guess this is my fun month LOL. I really hope AF doesn't show up this weekend.
Today I bought tickets for a Day out with Thomas in August so we can take the kids. I think it will be a fun time. It's kind of like an extended birthday gift to Amber. It was $65 about for the 3 of us (Jack is free since he's under 2). Our garage sale is going to be this weekend too and tomorrow my MIL is taking the kids for the day so it'll be nice to have an afternoon off. I have some books I plan on taking to this book store I found to sell (It's a family owned used book store). I love reading so the prospects of getting more books on trade in is awesome!
I've been going to the chiropractor and having adjustments. My back has been in some bad shape lately.
So onto fertility talk LOL. This weekend AF is due. I'm getting nervous since we did try for a while, then my back went out. We were together 3 times supposedly during "O" time. So we'll see. We haven't been together in over a week now because of my back. We tried one night and hubby was to distracted by the obvious pain I was in. Stinkin' back! Urgh. Ruining intimate time! Anyways, I took a test earlier in the week at the "5 day before a missed period mark" it couldn't tell. Stupid 5 day early tests. With my luck I'm all up in a hopeful dither for nothing. I really want this month to be our month. I am so ready to be pregnant again and complete our family. 3 is our number. Considering I've already been pregnant 5 times! urgh. I just want my last little baby to hold in my arms. I hope God sends her back to me.
So I've been naughty and enjoying a few cocktails because this might be the end of the cocktails for me. But either way I've decided, if AF comes this weekend then I am done w/ the drinks until our anniversary in FL, then I will have a drink to celebrate our 5 year. I want a healthier body, healthier life style. Not like I have a problem. Giving up alcohol is never a problem for me, but I do enjoy a glass of wine every night and I know they say red wine is good for you, but I'm having a glass of white right now Ha! Last night I had a mint julip actually and it was delicious. I've already started eating better and cut back the caffeine to 1 cup of coffee in the morning and that's it. VERY RARELY do I even have a cola during the day. I've also had sushi a few times this month and I'm getting in my lunch meat intake here & there since if I get a BFP this weekend I know I have to cut it all out. I guess this is my fun month LOL. I really hope AF doesn't show up this weekend.
Today I bought tickets for a Day out with Thomas in August so we can take the kids. I think it will be a fun time. It's kind of like an extended birthday gift to Amber. It was $65 about for the 3 of us (Jack is free since he's under 2). Our garage sale is going to be this weekend too and tomorrow my MIL is taking the kids for the day so it'll be nice to have an afternoon off. I have some books I plan on taking to this book store I found to sell (It's a family owned used book store). I love reading so the prospects of getting more books on trade in is awesome!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Busy past 2 days
My best friend was in from Arizona for the past two days and it has been non stop. It has been an amazing breath of fresh air. She is helpful with the kids and we have had a lot of fun but we never got one on one time out together so I feel like we were just consumed with the kids and rushed non-stop. We didn't get to talk about much and I hope that the next time she's in town we get some one on one time. We did go to the outlet yesterday. I bought a new Vera Bradley purse that I LOVE and I got the kids some things from Gymboree. She went a little crazy and spent like $100 at Carters on the Buy one get one free sale and like $100 at Osh Gosh on the kids! My daughter will be the most stylish girl in pre-school for sure! We met up with my sister and her fiance at their condo and went out for lunch and then to babies r us because I needed a few things for the kids. Again, my friend treated. She takes her Godmother duties very serious. She even bought them some toys. We went for ice cream after that and then called it a day. I had an hour commute home. This morning she was here bright and early and we took the kids to lil monkey bizness and then to sesame inn for some thai and sushi. It was so yummy. The kids had some sweet & sour chicken. We went to visit Bob at the club for a little bit and then swung by Target because last night I found out I was nearly out of diapers. It always works that way, after leaving a baby store you find something you needed to buy when you get home. After that we hung out at home for a little bit and I was able to talk to her about some important things that I needed to discuss about a will we plan on having written up. My husband & I took the kids to Jason's Deli for dinner (I had an amazing salad!) and then we came home. I won't have a computer for a few days because he needs to use our home one at work so I figured I'd get in some blogging while I could.
Monday, July 18, 2011
wow
So today when my husband got home he told me that he told his mom we might be pregnant in the fall, that we are trying for #3. I am in shock! I also told my mom. This is the first time we've told our parents anything about creating people. LOL. She had nothing to say about it either, which is not like her. We are trying now, we aren't telling our parents that yet because I know both mom's think we should wait until the end of the summer since I just suffered my miscarriage June 1, 2011.
My children decided that today was an awesome day not to nap. Thankfully around 1pm they did finally fall asleep for a little while. I was able to set up the water table and pool in the back yard. We had this strange meat concoction that I made for dinner that I thought was good. The kids hated it. I cooked a pan of ground beef and tossed it in the crock pot on warm (not cook since it was already cooked). I also cubed and boiled 2 potatos and 3 carrots and when they were cooked I tossed those in the crock. I added 1 sauteed onion and 1/2 a cup of frozen corn & 1/2 a cup of frozen peas. I seasoned w/ salt, pepper, garlic powder, oregano, parsley and worsteshire (sp?) sauce and some country bob's sauce. I added a little water so it wouldn't burn on the bottom of the crock and it was pretty good. Probably would have been yummier over rice but we are all out. The kids ate a little and then we went outside to play in the water at 4:30. Bob got home at 5:30 and I brought out some more food. They ate a little more. Then at 6pm we did showers and 6:30 bedtime for Jackson and 7:30 bedtime for Amber. Now Bob's back at work working out and I'm sitting around blogging.
I can't wait to see my friend Caletta tomorrow. She flew in from AZ and we always have such a good time hanging out! I hope my kids are half way decent tomorrow.
My children decided that today was an awesome day not to nap. Thankfully around 1pm they did finally fall asleep for a little while. I was able to set up the water table and pool in the back yard. We had this strange meat concoction that I made for dinner that I thought was good. The kids hated it. I cooked a pan of ground beef and tossed it in the crock pot on warm (not cook since it was already cooked). I also cubed and boiled 2 potatos and 3 carrots and when they were cooked I tossed those in the crock. I added 1 sauteed onion and 1/2 a cup of frozen corn & 1/2 a cup of frozen peas. I seasoned w/ salt, pepper, garlic powder, oregano, parsley and worsteshire (sp?) sauce and some country bob's sauce. I added a little water so it wouldn't burn on the bottom of the crock and it was pretty good. Probably would have been yummier over rice but we are all out. The kids ate a little and then we went outside to play in the water at 4:30. Bob got home at 5:30 and I brought out some more food. They ate a little more. Then at 6pm we did showers and 6:30 bedtime for Jackson and 7:30 bedtime for Amber. Now Bob's back at work working out and I'm sitting around blogging.
I can't wait to see my friend Caletta tomorrow. She flew in from AZ and we always have such a good time hanging out! I hope my kids are half way decent tomorrow.
This next week is gonna fly by
I feel like our entire summer is flying by but this next week is really going to be busy. My best friend (and the Godmother to my children) is coming in town tomorrow. We will be meeting up w/ my sister and her fiance, then we'll have lunch & go to the outlets. I think Wednesday we'll take the kids to a childrens museum or lil monkey bizness to burn off some energy. Thursday my mother in law usually takes the kids for about 3 hours and watches them at her house down the road so I can get some necessary cleaning done. I don't know if she will this week or not. Friday I need to get things in order for Saturday. Saturday is my sister's graduation/engagement announcement party. I am making the announcement table and the sangria. My husband and I are also bringing the food, cooler and additional seating apparently. My mom the party thrower thought that 21 people would suffice w/ 1 case of water and a 2 liter of pepsi. Awesome. So I was asked to hijack this party and help it out. I LOVE throwing parties so this is actually fun for me. Saturday is my husband's niece's 3rd or 4th birthday party. I mean, she's 4 but they are having like 3, 4 or 5 parties for her. We've already been to one. It's ridiculous. This one will be at chuck e cheese. Then Monday is my mom's company White Sox outting and we are taking our daughter to it. I don't know how long she'll last. We'll see. We need a sitter for our son still.
Holy Heat wave Batman
It is just way to hot outside. I just got the kids pool set up, cleaned our pool, put water in the water table and watered the plants that were begging for a drink. One I think might have received it's drink a bit to late though. R.I.P Hanging plant.
My gremlins didn't want to nap this morning so we went to super walmart. Going to Walmart alone is stressful. Trying to find parking, trying to get a shopping cart, working my way through the crowds, giving up on the deli because the only deli worker is staring aimlessly at nothing rather then helping the people in line waiting for their fresh cut meat or cheese. The depression of realizing about 80% of your shopping list is not available because they do not restock the shelves. Ok....so now do that with two kids who have not napped. One who wants to "walk like a big kid" and aimlessly walks into people and climbs the shelves. $106 later we got everything we needed from walmart except for the new MGD 64 w/ lemonaid. I saw it, but not in a 6 pack and I'm not devoting myself to a case if I do not know what it tastes like and the only summer shandy 6 pack was conveniently a 5 pack. Hmmmmm? How did that one slip past security? I bet they were to busy watching the deli woman who was watching NOTHING to notice a random stranger take a beer and drink it in the store.
After Walmart we stopped at White Castles. I am trying to eat healthy and the advertisements about those loaded cheese fries are not helping. I finally broke down and ordered some and they are not as good as I thought they would be. They are also not as good as my neighbor told me they would be. Amber ate all of her chicken rings and wanted more, so I made her chicken nuggets at home, she ate 2 of those. Jackson basically squished his slider and threw it at the dog. Carl was really happy to get the slider. I am not happy w/ the gas the slider has caused Carl to have. Of course on a day where the heat borders on animal cruelty to allow him to pass his obnoxious gas outside. So does this mean he is inflicting human cruelty by polluting my air w/ his ass toxins? Nothing that comes out of a 110lb rottweilers ass is pleasant BTW.
So just as I get everything set up in the back yard the wind picks up & the sun disappears. I am thankful for this, not for the "severe weather" that is predicted to hit us "anytime" now.
It's nearly 3pm and I am trying to figure out what to make for dinner. I have no desire to cook dinner and the only thing defrosted is a roll of ground chuck. I don't want to turn my oven on since my house is a heat trap, I have to keep the a/c at 72 to maintain 76 in here and that's with every fan we own running on high. So turning the oven on will put us up into the 80's for sure. My daughter basically won't eat beef so I know she won't be eating dinner tonight. I'll be slicing up some green pepper for her. My husband won't eat anything tomato based (except for this ridiculous irish spaghetti crap his family came up with like 25 years ago) and he also rolls his eyes at me if any dish contains rice. Lately I have gotten complains about potatos and chicken as well..........
I hate cooking for these people! My son will throw food at me, my daughter will shove it away and say "can't wan't this mommy" and after politely choking down a plate of food my husband will say "that was terrible"...........why do I try? I guess since Jackson is now up I should take him outside to play before we get blown away in this impending severe weather (at least we will be able to breath fresh air outside rather then slider ass from Carl). Not quite sure how long we'll last in 97 and muggy but we'll see.
My gremlins didn't want to nap this morning so we went to super walmart. Going to Walmart alone is stressful. Trying to find parking, trying to get a shopping cart, working my way through the crowds, giving up on the deli because the only deli worker is staring aimlessly at nothing rather then helping the people in line waiting for their fresh cut meat or cheese. The depression of realizing about 80% of your shopping list is not available because they do not restock the shelves. Ok....so now do that with two kids who have not napped. One who wants to "walk like a big kid" and aimlessly walks into people and climbs the shelves. $106 later we got everything we needed from walmart except for the new MGD 64 w/ lemonaid. I saw it, but not in a 6 pack and I'm not devoting myself to a case if I do not know what it tastes like and the only summer shandy 6 pack was conveniently a 5 pack. Hmmmmm? How did that one slip past security? I bet they were to busy watching the deli woman who was watching NOTHING to notice a random stranger take a beer and drink it in the store.
After Walmart we stopped at White Castles. I am trying to eat healthy and the advertisements about those loaded cheese fries are not helping. I finally broke down and ordered some and they are not as good as I thought they would be. They are also not as good as my neighbor told me they would be. Amber ate all of her chicken rings and wanted more, so I made her chicken nuggets at home, she ate 2 of those. Jackson basically squished his slider and threw it at the dog. Carl was really happy to get the slider. I am not happy w/ the gas the slider has caused Carl to have. Of course on a day where the heat borders on animal cruelty to allow him to pass his obnoxious gas outside. So does this mean he is inflicting human cruelty by polluting my air w/ his ass toxins? Nothing that comes out of a 110lb rottweilers ass is pleasant BTW.
So just as I get everything set up in the back yard the wind picks up & the sun disappears. I am thankful for this, not for the "severe weather" that is predicted to hit us "anytime" now.
It's nearly 3pm and I am trying to figure out what to make for dinner. I have no desire to cook dinner and the only thing defrosted is a roll of ground chuck. I don't want to turn my oven on since my house is a heat trap, I have to keep the a/c at 72 to maintain 76 in here and that's with every fan we own running on high. So turning the oven on will put us up into the 80's for sure. My daughter basically won't eat beef so I know she won't be eating dinner tonight. I'll be slicing up some green pepper for her. My husband won't eat anything tomato based (except for this ridiculous irish spaghetti crap his family came up with like 25 years ago) and he also rolls his eyes at me if any dish contains rice. Lately I have gotten complains about potatos and chicken as well..........
I hate cooking for these people! My son will throw food at me, my daughter will shove it away and say "can't wan't this mommy" and after politely choking down a plate of food my husband will say "that was terrible"...........why do I try? I guess since Jackson is now up I should take him outside to play before we get blown away in this impending severe weather (at least we will be able to breath fresh air outside rather then slider ass from Carl). Not quite sure how long we'll last in 97 and muggy but we'll see.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
My life
I had a bunch of blogs and realized I was just ranting every day. They were lengthy and even annoying to me. So I decided to just do one blog & get it out in the open and try to be done with it.
My sister: Not much to say. She just graduated college. She's looking for a teaching job. She lives an hour away. She just got engaged. She is doing her own thing. I don't rely on her to help w/ the kids. She see's them about once a month.
My mom: I don't know how she functions. She always says "I raised my kids" but that's not true. My grandma raised us. Even her own friends will say that. She doesn't help w/ my kids. She has had my daughter 4 x's over night since she's been born. She does not just randomly watch her so I can get stuff done. She is awkward around the kids and doesn't seem to know what she's doing. She has a well paying job that she's been at for 13 years and has a college education and always praises herself on how smart she is but she can't figure out how to use a fountain machine at McDonalds. Book smarts is about where it ends w/ my mom (and my sister is the same way!)
My daughter: she'll be 3 soon. She's a hyper little attitude filled nut but I love her! She's the best!
My son: he'll be 2 in April and he's a ball of hate. He walks around yelling at everything and screaming most of the day. He is a tornado and doesn't stop. He's my special little man and I couldn't imagine my life w/ out his chaos!
My husband: He is a hard worker. Sometimes we joke that we don't see each other in the winter because he will work a 12 hour day & then snow plow all night. He's an awesome provider. He takes on a lot of stress & is on high blood pressure pills. He works for his family and his mom causes him way to much personal stress at work. Some days he comes home and just wants to sit quietly because of how stressful working with his family is. He has tested for various FD's and PD's in hopes of moving, but he's only on call lists....so for now, we are stuck w/ him not being so happy with work and having to deal with more then necessary.
Myself: I am currently a SAHM, I miss working but with my husbands insane schedule, it is impossible for me to work. I cannot have a night job because of if one of his employees doesn't show up, he has to go back to work and that leaves me taking care of the kids. During the winter months I am at the mercy of snow. So once the kids go to elementary school I'll be hopefully finding a part time job. I have not had an easy life. My father was abusive. I lost my 1st tooth because he hit me that hard in the back of the head. My mom stood back and didn't seem to care. They would seperate often. My grandma basically raised me (she past away July 30, 2010). I helped raise my sister who is 9 years younger then me. By Junior High I was cooking dinner, doing laundry, doing the dishes and cleaning the house. I would get scrutinized for my academics falling behind but I didn't have time for them. By my freshman year my mom told me my ass was as big as the couch (I was 140lbs) and I then suffered from annorexia. She took me to a dr. to have me evaluated & I was threatened w/ an eating clinic. I began working out 2 hours a night (minimum) and weighing myself at least a dozen times a day. My outlet was sports. I started playing V.B just to get out of the house. I only went to college part time because my mom expected me to pay rent and have a job. I ended up not even getting my associates. I began working FT and moved out with a rommmate. I've been out of the house since I was 19. My mom and I do not have a good relationship. I worked 2 jobs at one point (70 hours a week) just to make ends meet while she was traveling all over and taking my sister to hawaii, disney and other nice places. I vowed when I had kids I'd be a better mom. I met my husband in 2004, we were engaged in 2005 and married in 2006. I suffered from an ectopic in 2007, and a m/c a few months later. 5 mo. after that I conceived my daughter and then she was born in 2008. My son was born in 2010. I lost baby #3 on June 1, 2010, I was possibly exposed to fifths disease. I was 12 weeks pregnant. We are currently ttc baby #3.
I feel like I do not have anyone I can really rely on. My family is not there for me and my husband works a lot. Sometimes I am very lonely. I have a best friend who lives an hour away and I love my cousins but they all live in southern Illinois. We wanted to move down there but just couldn't. My husband has job security working for his family.
My soon to be ex (evil) sister in law: she's the devil. I don't know how else to sum it up. she's an ER nurse at christ hospital and she's truely evil. She admitted to neglecting patients. So I know she's evil on a professional level as well as a personal level. She was nice to me until my husband and I got married. Then apparently her marriage wasn't doing so well so she decided to turn on me. She was going to my mother in law (MIL) and telling her lies. Just stupid lies like I was mean to her, I was calling & emailing her & being mean, she'd try to talk to me and I refused. I had no idea this was going on and couldn't figure out why MIL was being so cold to me. (BTW, this isn't MIL's daughter, this is her son's soon to be ex wife!). MIL would come to work & yell at my husband saying he needed to get involved that this all needed to be fixed. We had no clue what she was talking about. My hubby ended up on high blood pressure meds. It was a mess. Everytime I tried to talk to my MIL she treated me as if I was the liar. My soon to be ex sister in law started dating my neighbor & came over drunk one night and fessed up to everything, that she was manipulating my MIL because she was miserable and her marriage was failing so she wanted us miserable and for our marriage to fail too. she said she got the "bad" son and was ticked that I got the one that wouldn't cheat (her husband cheated on her. But come on, she met him 'cause she was the other woman, what did she expect? once a cheater always a cheater!). My husband told all of this to my MIL and she still was on Heather's side and refused to believe us. Then I was at my MIL's house and DD was hanging like a monkey on my arm and I was holding her hand as she jumped off the 1 step that goes down to the sunken living room & her arm got dislocated! It was insane. I rushed her to the pediatrician (he said he could fix it, no need fo rthe ER). MIL told Heather this story and then Heather was going around like it was hot gossip, like I abused my daughter. Even the pedi knew it was an accident. I was a hysterical mess over it. Seeing my daughter in pain was like a knife in my chest! Then Heather was spreading more rumors about my kids and then she broke up w/ our neighbor and wanted my MIL to take his things to work to give to my husband so he could return it! WTF? And MIL did it! So this woman can just have a house land on her for all I care, she's so mean. I try not to even let my kids play with her daughter, I don't care if they are cousins. Heather flat out told us she'll do whatever it takes to hurt us and destroy our lives. All because we have a happy marriage. And this is a person who takes care of people in an ER. I will never go to the hospital she works at.
My MIL: She's stupid. She is manipulated. I think she is 2 faced and I believe her to be a liar as much as my soon to be ex evil sister in law! I do not trust her. She takes sides w/ Heather and she doesn't care that Heather wished her one son dead in a fire (he's a firefighter). She is cold and I think she's a sorry excuse for a mom and though she is a good grandma, I do not trust her much. I cannot trust her because she lies to my face. she's there for us when we need her (if someone ends up in the hospital or if someone is sick) but other then that I try not to rely on her much because I was catching her in lies. We told her we didn't want Heather near our kids and she would arrange play dates behind our back. We catch her in lies on a weekly basis about Heather.
My Brother In Law: Firefighter. Cheater. Selfish. Only cares about himself and sometimes who he's dating. He was a terrible father and an alcoholic but he seems to be better now. His new girlfriend and him have quit drinking and he spends more quality time with his kid. He is not there when his family needs him. He never cared about the problems his wife (at the time) was causing and didn't care about the stress it was causing on his brother. He's basically a craptastic womanizer and he's kind of ugly too. Not quite sure how he would take home a different woman every night. When the family business flooded he was no where to be seen. My husband was awake for 2 days cleaning up water, and his brother...not around. BUT the business goes to both of them. So my husband his killing himself, and my brother in law still gets half even though he has no clue about anything and doesn't care what happens to the place.
My niece: I hardly call her that. When my sister has kids those will be my nieces and nephews. My husbands niece is a brat. It's all because of circumstance. Her mother teaches her to be mean and say mean things like "why do you hate my mommy" so she's obviously telling her people hate her. She is mean to my kids. She has temper tantrums. She has an attitude and I hate her around my kids. Everyone who meets her says it's a shame. It's a shame that someone so evil had a child because now she's just creating a little monster. Riley was once innocent, actually, she still is. She only knows what she's taught and she is not being taught well at all. She gets sick and her mom thinks she knows it all & doesn't take her to the dr. She had strep over 6 x's last winter, hand foot & mouth disease, fifths disease, an upper resp. that required her to be on breathing treatments and various other colds and her mom says "she's not sick" and ignores it. She has a problem w/ her foot & is supposed to wear special inserts otherwise she'll have a life of problems. She won't be able to run. She won't be able to participate in sports or hold down a job that requires her to stand for long. All she needs are inserts. But because her mother wants her to wear cute mary janes and flip flops (even though the pediatric orthopedic specialist told her never to put her in flip flops) she does not wear inserts. She should be in gym shoes all day, even when in the house w/ the inserts in the gym shoes. But her mom is selfish and wants her daughter to be fashionable and is ruining her for life. This poor child doesn't stand a chance.
My sister: Not much to say. She just graduated college. She's looking for a teaching job. She lives an hour away. She just got engaged. She is doing her own thing. I don't rely on her to help w/ the kids. She see's them about once a month.
My mom: I don't know how she functions. She always says "I raised my kids" but that's not true. My grandma raised us. Even her own friends will say that. She doesn't help w/ my kids. She has had my daughter 4 x's over night since she's been born. She does not just randomly watch her so I can get stuff done. She is awkward around the kids and doesn't seem to know what she's doing. She has a well paying job that she's been at for 13 years and has a college education and always praises herself on how smart she is but she can't figure out how to use a fountain machine at McDonalds. Book smarts is about where it ends w/ my mom (and my sister is the same way!)
My daughter: she'll be 3 soon. She's a hyper little attitude filled nut but I love her! She's the best!
My son: he'll be 2 in April and he's a ball of hate. He walks around yelling at everything and screaming most of the day. He is a tornado and doesn't stop. He's my special little man and I couldn't imagine my life w/ out his chaos!
My husband: He is a hard worker. Sometimes we joke that we don't see each other in the winter because he will work a 12 hour day & then snow plow all night. He's an awesome provider. He takes on a lot of stress & is on high blood pressure pills. He works for his family and his mom causes him way to much personal stress at work. Some days he comes home and just wants to sit quietly because of how stressful working with his family is. He has tested for various FD's and PD's in hopes of moving, but he's only on call lists....so for now, we are stuck w/ him not being so happy with work and having to deal with more then necessary.
Myself: I am currently a SAHM, I miss working but with my husbands insane schedule, it is impossible for me to work. I cannot have a night job because of if one of his employees doesn't show up, he has to go back to work and that leaves me taking care of the kids. During the winter months I am at the mercy of snow. So once the kids go to elementary school I'll be hopefully finding a part time job. I have not had an easy life. My father was abusive. I lost my 1st tooth because he hit me that hard in the back of the head. My mom stood back and didn't seem to care. They would seperate often. My grandma basically raised me (she past away July 30, 2010). I helped raise my sister who is 9 years younger then me. By Junior High I was cooking dinner, doing laundry, doing the dishes and cleaning the house. I would get scrutinized for my academics falling behind but I didn't have time for them. By my freshman year my mom told me my ass was as big as the couch (I was 140lbs) and I then suffered from annorexia. She took me to a dr. to have me evaluated & I was threatened w/ an eating clinic. I began working out 2 hours a night (minimum) and weighing myself at least a dozen times a day. My outlet was sports. I started playing V.B just to get out of the house. I only went to college part time because my mom expected me to pay rent and have a job. I ended up not even getting my associates. I began working FT and moved out with a rommmate. I've been out of the house since I was 19. My mom and I do not have a good relationship. I worked 2 jobs at one point (70 hours a week) just to make ends meet while she was traveling all over and taking my sister to hawaii, disney and other nice places. I vowed when I had kids I'd be a better mom. I met my husband in 2004, we were engaged in 2005 and married in 2006. I suffered from an ectopic in 2007, and a m/c a few months later. 5 mo. after that I conceived my daughter and then she was born in 2008. My son was born in 2010. I lost baby #3 on June 1, 2010, I was possibly exposed to fifths disease. I was 12 weeks pregnant. We are currently ttc baby #3.
I feel like I do not have anyone I can really rely on. My family is not there for me and my husband works a lot. Sometimes I am very lonely. I have a best friend who lives an hour away and I love my cousins but they all live in southern Illinois. We wanted to move down there but just couldn't. My husband has job security working for his family.
My soon to be ex (evil) sister in law: she's the devil. I don't know how else to sum it up. she's an ER nurse at christ hospital and she's truely evil. She admitted to neglecting patients. So I know she's evil on a professional level as well as a personal level. She was nice to me until my husband and I got married. Then apparently her marriage wasn't doing so well so she decided to turn on me. She was going to my mother in law (MIL) and telling her lies. Just stupid lies like I was mean to her, I was calling & emailing her & being mean, she'd try to talk to me and I refused. I had no idea this was going on and couldn't figure out why MIL was being so cold to me. (BTW, this isn't MIL's daughter, this is her son's soon to be ex wife!). MIL would come to work & yell at my husband saying he needed to get involved that this all needed to be fixed. We had no clue what she was talking about. My hubby ended up on high blood pressure meds. It was a mess. Everytime I tried to talk to my MIL she treated me as if I was the liar. My soon to be ex sister in law started dating my neighbor & came over drunk one night and fessed up to everything, that she was manipulating my MIL because she was miserable and her marriage was failing so she wanted us miserable and for our marriage to fail too. she said she got the "bad" son and was ticked that I got the one that wouldn't cheat (her husband cheated on her. But come on, she met him 'cause she was the other woman, what did she expect? once a cheater always a cheater!). My husband told all of this to my MIL and she still was on Heather's side and refused to believe us. Then I was at my MIL's house and DD was hanging like a monkey on my arm and I was holding her hand as she jumped off the 1 step that goes down to the sunken living room & her arm got dislocated! It was insane. I rushed her to the pediatrician (he said he could fix it, no need fo rthe ER). MIL told Heather this story and then Heather was going around like it was hot gossip, like I abused my daughter. Even the pedi knew it was an accident. I was a hysterical mess over it. Seeing my daughter in pain was like a knife in my chest! Then Heather was spreading more rumors about my kids and then she broke up w/ our neighbor and wanted my MIL to take his things to work to give to my husband so he could return it! WTF? And MIL did it! So this woman can just have a house land on her for all I care, she's so mean. I try not to even let my kids play with her daughter, I don't care if they are cousins. Heather flat out told us she'll do whatever it takes to hurt us and destroy our lives. All because we have a happy marriage. And this is a person who takes care of people in an ER. I will never go to the hospital she works at.
My MIL: She's stupid. She is manipulated. I think she is 2 faced and I believe her to be a liar as much as my soon to be ex evil sister in law! I do not trust her. She takes sides w/ Heather and she doesn't care that Heather wished her one son dead in a fire (he's a firefighter). She is cold and I think she's a sorry excuse for a mom and though she is a good grandma, I do not trust her much. I cannot trust her because she lies to my face. she's there for us when we need her (if someone ends up in the hospital or if someone is sick) but other then that I try not to rely on her much because I was catching her in lies. We told her we didn't want Heather near our kids and she would arrange play dates behind our back. We catch her in lies on a weekly basis about Heather.
My Brother In Law: Firefighter. Cheater. Selfish. Only cares about himself and sometimes who he's dating. He was a terrible father and an alcoholic but he seems to be better now. His new girlfriend and him have quit drinking and he spends more quality time with his kid. He is not there when his family needs him. He never cared about the problems his wife (at the time) was causing and didn't care about the stress it was causing on his brother. He's basically a craptastic womanizer and he's kind of ugly too. Not quite sure how he would take home a different woman every night. When the family business flooded he was no where to be seen. My husband was awake for 2 days cleaning up water, and his brother...not around. BUT the business goes to both of them. So my husband his killing himself, and my brother in law still gets half even though he has no clue about anything and doesn't care what happens to the place.
My niece: I hardly call her that. When my sister has kids those will be my nieces and nephews. My husbands niece is a brat. It's all because of circumstance. Her mother teaches her to be mean and say mean things like "why do you hate my mommy" so she's obviously telling her people hate her. She is mean to my kids. She has temper tantrums. She has an attitude and I hate her around my kids. Everyone who meets her says it's a shame. It's a shame that someone so evil had a child because now she's just creating a little monster. Riley was once innocent, actually, she still is. She only knows what she's taught and she is not being taught well at all. She gets sick and her mom thinks she knows it all & doesn't take her to the dr. She had strep over 6 x's last winter, hand foot & mouth disease, fifths disease, an upper resp. that required her to be on breathing treatments and various other colds and her mom says "she's not sick" and ignores it. She has a problem w/ her foot & is supposed to wear special inserts otherwise she'll have a life of problems. She won't be able to run. She won't be able to participate in sports or hold down a job that requires her to stand for long. All she needs are inserts. But because her mother wants her to wear cute mary janes and flip flops (even though the pediatric orthopedic specialist told her never to put her in flip flops) she does not wear inserts. She should be in gym shoes all day, even when in the house w/ the inserts in the gym shoes. But her mom is selfish and wants her daughter to be fashionable and is ruining her for life. This poor child doesn't stand a chance.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Adventures in Rescue
When my husband and I first started working with animal rescue it literally came out of no where. We adopted a puppy from a local group and this puppy ended up having parvo. We spent over $1,000 out of pocket and had it being monitored 24 hours but she still passed away. We will forever miss Harley but our 9 week old shepherd mix changed our lives forever. The rescue group was very kind and was in touch with our vet so knew about the extra life saving efforts we were willing to pay for so they gave us a dog for free when we were ready. We adopted another shepherd mix and then a year after that adopted again from that group a lab mix. We would randomly donate money towards them and supplies. I started taking my dogs to animal rescue walks to help raise money for other foundations.
My husband always wanted a rottweiler and I had made several contacts on Myspace who were involved in animal rescue. I would crosspost animals on death row daily. I donated from every pay check and even offered to help with a transport. We were assisting on a transport and the dog ended up coming home with us because the receiving rescue was full due to a litter of parvo puppies being dropped off. This wasn't a problem for us, we had the love, room and cash to take care of 3 dogs. This little cattle dog mix was awesome. We took her to our vet for some worms and other then that she was great. We found a loving home for her and 5 years later, we still see her quite often. She is a beloved family pet.
Shortly after placing her I saw a rottweiler being passed around by several of my rescue contacts. I tried to crosspost as much as possible and finally I just sent the picture to my husband who said he wanted her. We tried to have her flown up but the air lines wouldn't take such a large dog. We missed 2 transports that came through. Her time was up in a week and so I drove 5 hours to KY and met up with the vet tech who saved the rottweiler. She drove up from Virginia.
Nala was only supposed to be a foster. We just didn't want her to be put to sleep. She lived her life tied to a tree. Her collar was embedded. She never had a name. Never was vetted (really), She was used for breeding only. She was only 65 lbs when her "owners" brought her in to have her put down 'cause they were "done with her". She should have been closer to 100lbs. Marsha was a loving vet tech and medically rehabbed Nala (named her Nala) and then crossposted like mad because her house was already full to the brim. Marsha and I are still friends to this day even though Nala is no longer with us.
Nala was a special dog who needed a family. she needed to know what love was and she needed to learn to trust. I was pregnant with our daughter and I spent every night working with Nala, she didn't like her feet, ears, face or hips touched and would growl and snap. It took 5 months but in those 5 months she was a loving, devoted lap dog. She had hip problems & walked funny since she was starved and her body was taking calcium from her bones. But she would make it a few blocks on walks. She was the best dog ever.
A friend of ours wanted to take our shepherd mix because he was looking to adopt and we did have some problems w/ the shepherd mix and aggression towards other dogs and children. It was a win win because he took her and gave her a loving home, we still are able to see her and he has worked those kinks out. Nala was able to stay at our house and retire and eventually go to the rainbow bridge.
We had 3 amazing years with Nala. My daughter was her life. They would lay together and my daughter would dress her up. Nala loved her so much. Not a day went by that she wasn't hugged, pet and loved. She got along great with Duke (our lab mix) and they became best friends.
With our shepherd mix now having a loving devoted home we were able to open up our doors and save many more dogs that were on death row.
In one summer we saved 6 rottweilers from the streets of Chicago. Some were being beaten, others had traps set up for them by dog fighters in hopes to use them as bait dogs and some were just strays. The amazing rescue group we are affiliated with was able to help us with some vetting expenses and helped us to place all of the dogs in loving homes. It seemed as though each week we'd take in a stray and then adopt another out. Nala got along with all of them.
This past winter Nala woke up gasping for air. I stayed home with the kids and my husband rushed her to the ER Vet at 11pm. They said her throat was closing up and gave her steroids and downers and said if she could come out of the sedation and breath on her own then they could do a surgery but if she could not then there was nothing they could do. She could not breath on her own. It was a terrible situation but she was going to suffocate to death. She lived to about 10 years of age and retired in the best environment possible. We miss her daily.
Shortly after she passed we decided that we are animal rescuers and we take animals off death row. We figured we would check with a group first. If we adopted one from a rescue group then we would free up a space for them to take in another. We adopted Carl, a rottweiler that was 3 years old and he is amazing. We love him so much and he makes each day a blessing. He is amazing around the kids, a friend to Duke and we have nicknamed him "Carl the stalker" since he loves to follow us everywhere.
We will forever be animal rescuers
My husband always wanted a rottweiler and I had made several contacts on Myspace who were involved in animal rescue. I would crosspost animals on death row daily. I donated from every pay check and even offered to help with a transport. We were assisting on a transport and the dog ended up coming home with us because the receiving rescue was full due to a litter of parvo puppies being dropped off. This wasn't a problem for us, we had the love, room and cash to take care of 3 dogs. This little cattle dog mix was awesome. We took her to our vet for some worms and other then that she was great. We found a loving home for her and 5 years later, we still see her quite often. She is a beloved family pet.
Shortly after placing her I saw a rottweiler being passed around by several of my rescue contacts. I tried to crosspost as much as possible and finally I just sent the picture to my husband who said he wanted her. We tried to have her flown up but the air lines wouldn't take such a large dog. We missed 2 transports that came through. Her time was up in a week and so I drove 5 hours to KY and met up with the vet tech who saved the rottweiler. She drove up from Virginia.
Nala was only supposed to be a foster. We just didn't want her to be put to sleep. She lived her life tied to a tree. Her collar was embedded. She never had a name. Never was vetted (really), She was used for breeding only. She was only 65 lbs when her "owners" brought her in to have her put down 'cause they were "done with her". She should have been closer to 100lbs. Marsha was a loving vet tech and medically rehabbed Nala (named her Nala) and then crossposted like mad because her house was already full to the brim. Marsha and I are still friends to this day even though Nala is no longer with us.
Nala was a special dog who needed a family. she needed to know what love was and she needed to learn to trust. I was pregnant with our daughter and I spent every night working with Nala, she didn't like her feet, ears, face or hips touched and would growl and snap. It took 5 months but in those 5 months she was a loving, devoted lap dog. She had hip problems & walked funny since she was starved and her body was taking calcium from her bones. But she would make it a few blocks on walks. She was the best dog ever.
A friend of ours wanted to take our shepherd mix because he was looking to adopt and we did have some problems w/ the shepherd mix and aggression towards other dogs and children. It was a win win because he took her and gave her a loving home, we still are able to see her and he has worked those kinks out. Nala was able to stay at our house and retire and eventually go to the rainbow bridge.
We had 3 amazing years with Nala. My daughter was her life. They would lay together and my daughter would dress her up. Nala loved her so much. Not a day went by that she wasn't hugged, pet and loved. She got along great with Duke (our lab mix) and they became best friends.
With our shepherd mix now having a loving devoted home we were able to open up our doors and save many more dogs that were on death row.
In one summer we saved 6 rottweilers from the streets of Chicago. Some were being beaten, others had traps set up for them by dog fighters in hopes to use them as bait dogs and some were just strays. The amazing rescue group we are affiliated with was able to help us with some vetting expenses and helped us to place all of the dogs in loving homes. It seemed as though each week we'd take in a stray and then adopt another out. Nala got along with all of them.
This past winter Nala woke up gasping for air. I stayed home with the kids and my husband rushed her to the ER Vet at 11pm. They said her throat was closing up and gave her steroids and downers and said if she could come out of the sedation and breath on her own then they could do a surgery but if she could not then there was nothing they could do. She could not breath on her own. It was a terrible situation but she was going to suffocate to death. She lived to about 10 years of age and retired in the best environment possible. We miss her daily.
Shortly after she passed we decided that we are animal rescuers and we take animals off death row. We figured we would check with a group first. If we adopted one from a rescue group then we would free up a space for them to take in another. We adopted Carl, a rottweiler that was 3 years old and he is amazing. We love him so much and he makes each day a blessing. He is amazing around the kids, a friend to Duke and we have nicknamed him "Carl the stalker" since he loves to follow us everywhere.
We will forever be animal rescuers
Laundry Fairies please come to my house
Amber and Jackson are the most important people in my life. Not a day goes by that I either spend it laughing at the funny things they do or near tears because of the insane things they do; but I couldn't imagine my life any different.
Doing simple chores such as putting away folded laundry can become an epic task. Both children were watching Gnomio and Juliet. I put up my laundry & my husbands laundry and the kids were still happily watching TV. I started to put up Amber's laundry & realized some of her PJ's didn't fit her anymore. I went to the kitchen to grab a glad bag & on the way I checked on the kids. Both were still watching TV. I tossed the PJ's that didn't fit Amber any longer into the garbage bag. I went into Jackson's room to pull out his old PJ's and put away his laundry & heard screaming.
Amber was in the living room watching TV and Jackson had booked it into Amber's room and climbed her play kitchen! I got him down and told him it was a no no. He said "no no", shook his head no and left the room. I went back into his room and grabbed the garbage bag of old clothing and heard Amber scream "No Jack!"
I ran into the living room, dropped the bag of old PJ's on the floor and rushed over to Jackson who had climbed the couch, crawled over to the end table and knocked over my pop and was playing in it.
I cleaned Jackson off and began cleaning the mess. I had to pull the couch out and was cleaning spilled soda from behind it; all the while I heard Jackson laughing in the living room so I knew he was fine. I stand up from behind the couch and he was definitely fine. Jackson dumped the bag of PJ's and was scattering them through out the house.
What should have been a quick 10 minute chore became a 45 min. ordeal all because I wanted to put up the laundry before the cat decided to sneak into the basket & yack on our clean clothes.
Since becoming a mom of 2 toddlers I have learned there are 2 chores I hate more then others. The 1st is laundry because it requires me to turn my back for a few seconds and my kids seize the moment every time. The 2nd chore would be emptying the dishwasher. It never fails, once they see that door open they think it's some magical cave they can climb into. Just as I tell one to stop trying to climb into the dishwasher the other is doing it. I had clean dishes sitting in there for 4 days last week because I didn't feel like dealing w/ the chaos that would occur if I opened that door during the afternoon.By the time evening came the dishwasher was the last thing on my mind.
Doing simple chores such as putting away folded laundry can become an epic task. Both children were watching Gnomio and Juliet. I put up my laundry & my husbands laundry and the kids were still happily watching TV. I started to put up Amber's laundry & realized some of her PJ's didn't fit her anymore. I went to the kitchen to grab a glad bag & on the way I checked on the kids. Both were still watching TV. I tossed the PJ's that didn't fit Amber any longer into the garbage bag. I went into Jackson's room to pull out his old PJ's and put away his laundry & heard screaming.
Amber was in the living room watching TV and Jackson had booked it into Amber's room and climbed her play kitchen! I got him down and told him it was a no no. He said "no no", shook his head no and left the room. I went back into his room and grabbed the garbage bag of old clothing and heard Amber scream "No Jack!"
I ran into the living room, dropped the bag of old PJ's on the floor and rushed over to Jackson who had climbed the couch, crawled over to the end table and knocked over my pop and was playing in it.
I cleaned Jackson off and began cleaning the mess. I had to pull the couch out and was cleaning spilled soda from behind it; all the while I heard Jackson laughing in the living room so I knew he was fine. I stand up from behind the couch and he was definitely fine. Jackson dumped the bag of PJ's and was scattering them through out the house.
What should have been a quick 10 minute chore became a 45 min. ordeal all because I wanted to put up the laundry before the cat decided to sneak into the basket & yack on our clean clothes.
Since becoming a mom of 2 toddlers I have learned there are 2 chores I hate more then others. The 1st is laundry because it requires me to turn my back for a few seconds and my kids seize the moment every time. The 2nd chore would be emptying the dishwasher. It never fails, once they see that door open they think it's some magical cave they can climb into. Just as I tell one to stop trying to climb into the dishwasher the other is doing it. I had clean dishes sitting in there for 4 days last week because I didn't feel like dealing w/ the chaos that would occur if I opened that door during the afternoon.By the time evening came the dishwasher was the last thing on my mind.
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