Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Holy Crap!
Dr. McInerney just called me at home at my HCG level is just over 2,000 and my progesterone level is at 20!!!!!!!!!!!!! he said those numbers are great and I don't need to use the suppositories.
Dr.'s office today
So I had a 1:15pm dr.'s appointment.
I waited til 1:33 to see the nurse (I had gotten there at 1:00pm so I already felt like I was waiting forever since I was so nervous about finding out if I was pregnant or not)
I told the nurse I had taken tests & they came back positive & asked if that was even possible because I was told I didn't ovulate. She said "let's do a test and see". She did one on me & it came back positive. So then she said she wasn't sure if the doctor would want to meet with me or just send me right over for lab work. It took another 20 min. before she could get ahold of him (it was very busy in his office today) and he wanted to see me. He did an exam & said my uterous felt swollen and said he's seen lots of miracles around the holidays. He didn't have an explanation other then maybe I ovulated early which makes no sense to me because I took my OPK like 3 days after I stopped bleeding from my period and my progesterone 8 days later was abnormally low. So he prescribed me a progesterone pill and the pharmacy just called me to tell me it's been filled.
I went for blood work after the dr.'s office & the tech butchered my arm. It was bad. I still hurt & I am not a wimp about blood tests. I go back Thursday around 3pm for my 48 hour repeat.
When I told Bob he wasn't happy. He actually was rather numb & didn't have much to say to me. He doesn't want 3. He wanted to wait to have a 3rd if we were even going to have a 3rd. If this doesn't work out and I have another loss I'm going to tell him to just get his vasectomy because he doesn't want this and I don't want to make him feel like he has to.
I waited til 1:33 to see the nurse (I had gotten there at 1:00pm so I already felt like I was waiting forever since I was so nervous about finding out if I was pregnant or not)
I told the nurse I had taken tests & they came back positive & asked if that was even possible because I was told I didn't ovulate. She said "let's do a test and see". She did one on me & it came back positive. So then she said she wasn't sure if the doctor would want to meet with me or just send me right over for lab work. It took another 20 min. before she could get ahold of him (it was very busy in his office today) and he wanted to see me. He did an exam & said my uterous felt swollen and said he's seen lots of miracles around the holidays. He didn't have an explanation other then maybe I ovulated early which makes no sense to me because I took my OPK like 3 days after I stopped bleeding from my period and my progesterone 8 days later was abnormally low. So he prescribed me a progesterone pill and the pharmacy just called me to tell me it's been filled.
I went for blood work after the dr.'s office & the tech butchered my arm. It was bad. I still hurt & I am not a wimp about blood tests. I go back Thursday around 3pm for my 48 hour repeat.
When I told Bob he wasn't happy. He actually was rather numb & didn't have much to say to me. He doesn't want 3. He wanted to wait to have a 3rd if we were even going to have a 3rd. If this doesn't work out and I have another loss I'm going to tell him to just get his vasectomy because he doesn't want this and I don't want to make him feel like he has to.
Monday, November 28, 2011
confused
So the dr's office called me about 2 weeks ago & told me I didn't ovulate.
Someone please tell me how yesterday & today I got a postive on a HPT.
Dr.'s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon. Hopefully I get some answers.
This is all also fabulous timing for Bob to tell me he wants to hold off on having more kids.
I haven't told him I pregnant yet. I figured I'd wait until after I talked to the dr. tomorrow.
If it's just another chemical pregnancy there's no point in him even knowing right now.
Someone please tell me how yesterday & today I got a postive on a HPT.
Dr.'s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon. Hopefully I get some answers.
This is all also fabulous timing for Bob to tell me he wants to hold off on having more kids.
I haven't told him I pregnant yet. I figured I'd wait until after I talked to the dr. tomorrow.
If it's just another chemical pregnancy there's no point in him even knowing right now.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Life lately
Life lately hasn't been the greatest.
I found out I was pregnant in September (right around my bday) and it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. My dr. told me to have a cycle in October and then start using OPK's and to call his office when I got a + OPK because they would send me for blood work. I got a positive and went 8 days later for blood work. The office called me 5 days after that and told me my progesterone level was 7.14 and normal after ovulation is 10 so that means I didn't ovulate. So now I will meet with my doctor tomorrow at 12:30 to find out what to do next. I have been so stressed out about this. I feel broken.
I had blood work done in September w/ my loyola dr. to find out about my +ANA and it turned out I had antibodies for sjogrens syndrome. I went to see her last week for a follow up and discovered I am at half strength in my dominant hand so now I'm in a splint for the next month.
I have been so stressed out I feel like I'm going to lose it. All Jackson does is scream all day. He climbs the safety gates and gets to everything. Today I was helping Amber in the bathroom, she got her underwear somehow tangled up in her leggings. In the time it took me to help her, he climbed the baby gate, pushed the kitchen table chair to the counter and climbed up & was going for the knifes! I ran, fell, thought I sprained my wrist and got to him in time. It was such a blur. That kid is like spider man. I never imagined a child could climb so quickly! I didn't even hear him moving the chair across the floor cause of the skid proof coasters on the bottom of the chairs. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He screamed on and off for 7 hours today 'cause I wouldn't let him cry. It was 42 and raining out so I couldn't take him outside.
Today was/is my husbands birthday and it's ruined. He came home, Jack climbed the table while I was trying to feed the dogs. He fell off the table. I got so mad I threw the plastic tupperware bowl. My husband was right there!!!! He should have stopped Jack, I was busy. I went to the bedroom & slamme the door. We have CHEAP doors and my shoe rack hangs on the back of it. My shoe went through the door. Now we have to buy another door and money is so tight. I feel like such an asshat for slamming the door but my body aches from all the lifting (jack off of things) today. I'm exhausted and I feel like I have no one.
Amber is so easy and I feel like she's neglected some days 'cause she's the easy one. I'm constantly busy with Jack and she'll just go watch TV and be a complete angel. She's so happy just having a cup of milk and watching TV and jack is into EVERYTHING. He even tp'd the bathroom while I was getting her a cup of water. He's so fast! He gets past every baby proofing object we buy. He has even figured out how to unbuckle the safety latches on shopping cart seats! Nothing I do seems to keep him "safe".
My husband packed the kids up and left. Just left. He took them to go out w/ MY mom and MY sister and her fiance for his b-day dinner and just left me home. I watched a show I recorded and had a beer. I feel better but I feel like a total jerk. I have so much stress and I'm having such a hard time coping.
My family is never there when I need them. They work & live far and when I'm stressed w/ no help...it's just me. I don't feel like I have family I can rely on.
My mother in law watches my niece like 3 x's a week but has no problem going weeks with out seeing my kids and she basically admitted to me that my niece is her favorite. It sucks and I really hate my mother in law for the way she is. I have such a hard time trying to like her. I feel fake and I'm not a fake person. I hate being around her. I hate having to be nice to her. I hate having to do anything with her because she is very unfair w/ my the kids. She favors my niece, she'll spoil her & buy her toys and clothes and take her to the rainforest cafe, choo choo diner and to plays and the circus but doesn't do anything with my kids. My niece's parents (are seperated) make $100,000 EACH! We make $70,000 total. Our kids don't get to do those extra's because money is tight. We are VERY fortunate to budget in a pass to the zoo and the arboretum and a trip to a indoor play area once a month. So it's not like my kids do with out but we're not as fortunate as my brother in law and ex sister in law and mother in law spoils the heck out of their child but does nothing for mine. We'll be out & she'll buy toys for my niece and NOTHING for my kids who are standing there and sometimes I Just can't budget something so they watch gifts being bought and get nothing from their own grandmother. I just wish she wouldn't do it in front of them. It bugs me that she does it at all but it really bugs me when they have to witness. I know it teaches them a lesson that they don't always get things and that they need to be happy with what they have but it's still obnoxious. Why shove her favortism in their faces? They'll grow up resenting her, which I find some peace in because I resent her so much.
She babysits for my ex sister in law so she can go to the spa or get her hair done or go out for martini's with her friends but never for me. I pay $10/ hour for someone to watch my kids if I need to get my hair done. Last year I quit getting it professionally done. I just dyed it from a box to get rid of grays so I didn't have to pay so frequently & would go 4 months w/ out a hair cut & get crappy cuts from great clips because they're faster. I can't spend $80 at a salon and $30 in babysitting. My husbands work schedule isn't reliable because guess what? he works for his mom. So if she needs to help out brother in law or ex sister in law then my husband has to work longer days or more days so I can't make appointments for fun. Making dr.'s appointments is about 4 weeks of scheduling. I'm tired of my life revolving around theirs and them being so spoiled w/ the free babysitting.
I don't expect someone to just do all this for me but it's hard living here and seeing it happen like 3 times a week. I can't wait for us to move, at least then my in laws won't be 3 min. down the road and ignoring us and treating my kids like they don't exist right under my nose.
What fumes me the most is how my Brother In law is a liar and my sister in law admitted to lying to the family and trying to ruin my marriage for 4 YEARS. Now that's dedication. And my mother in law jumps through hoops for them. My husband and I work hard and have no one to ever rely on and have been victims of his family for years. I wish we could cut ties but he works for them. In this economy he can't just up and quit. He has job security.
I commented on my friend's page last week that my mother in law said she wouldn't get my daughter a doll for Christmas because my niece takes her dolls in the tub & ruins them. UHM, what does my niece have to do with my daughter? It's not fair. She even bases the gifts she gets Amber off of Riley. Well, my brother in law went psycho & told my husband I'm talking sh*t and that he's done biting his tongue and it was crazy. He even copied and pasted the comment to my husband. My husband told him "dude, she didn't say anything bad" and so to get revenge, my brother in law told my mother in law I was saying bad things on Facebook. She asked me what Amber wanted (the other day) for Christmas and I said "well, my mom got her a doll and I got her..." and she cut me off and said "OH no, no dolls. I'm not getting either girl a doll"..................WTF? Uhm, my daughter LOVES dolls. That's all she really wants. So my mother in law said she saw some animal thing on the TV that she thinks my daughter would like. I 100% guarantee she won't like it, she's in a doll phase. She's 3. It's just her thing now, she's ignoring all her toys except for her dolls lately. I hope whatever my mother in law gets her comes w/ a gift receipt. Then she asked me to email her some non doll ideas.
Why won't she just get her what she likes? What is wrong with this woman?
So I did send her over a few things. Amber has a mobigo and could use a few new games. It was nearly impossible coming up with any other ideas. My daughter wanted the lalaloopsy doll. I bought that for her and my sister got her one in pink (I bought her yellow silly hair). My mom got her an Our Generation doll from Target that she wanted. She also wanted a Dora princess doll, she LOVES Dora and I couldn't put that on the list. I'm so frustrated.
I'm thinking of finding someone to talk to because I don't know how to deal with his family anymore. I know this is all trivial stuff, but 5 years of it is really taking a toll on me. I've never met a group of people who purposely try to continually hurt someone & who purposely want to hurt a childs feelings. It's so aggrivating. I am ready to snap.
I found out I was pregnant in September (right around my bday) and it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. My dr. told me to have a cycle in October and then start using OPK's and to call his office when I got a + OPK because they would send me for blood work. I got a positive and went 8 days later for blood work. The office called me 5 days after that and told me my progesterone level was 7.14 and normal after ovulation is 10 so that means I didn't ovulate. So now I will meet with my doctor tomorrow at 12:30 to find out what to do next. I have been so stressed out about this. I feel broken.
I had blood work done in September w/ my loyola dr. to find out about my +ANA and it turned out I had antibodies for sjogrens syndrome. I went to see her last week for a follow up and discovered I am at half strength in my dominant hand so now I'm in a splint for the next month.
I have been so stressed out I feel like I'm going to lose it. All Jackson does is scream all day. He climbs the safety gates and gets to everything. Today I was helping Amber in the bathroom, she got her underwear somehow tangled up in her leggings. In the time it took me to help her, he climbed the baby gate, pushed the kitchen table chair to the counter and climbed up & was going for the knifes! I ran, fell, thought I sprained my wrist and got to him in time. It was such a blur. That kid is like spider man. I never imagined a child could climb so quickly! I didn't even hear him moving the chair across the floor cause of the skid proof coasters on the bottom of the chairs. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He screamed on and off for 7 hours today 'cause I wouldn't let him cry. It was 42 and raining out so I couldn't take him outside.
Today was/is my husbands birthday and it's ruined. He came home, Jack climbed the table while I was trying to feed the dogs. He fell off the table. I got so mad I threw the plastic tupperware bowl. My husband was right there!!!! He should have stopped Jack, I was busy. I went to the bedroom & slamme the door. We have CHEAP doors and my shoe rack hangs on the back of it. My shoe went through the door. Now we have to buy another door and money is so tight. I feel like such an asshat for slamming the door but my body aches from all the lifting (jack off of things) today. I'm exhausted and I feel like I have no one.
Amber is so easy and I feel like she's neglected some days 'cause she's the easy one. I'm constantly busy with Jack and she'll just go watch TV and be a complete angel. She's so happy just having a cup of milk and watching TV and jack is into EVERYTHING. He even tp'd the bathroom while I was getting her a cup of water. He's so fast! He gets past every baby proofing object we buy. He has even figured out how to unbuckle the safety latches on shopping cart seats! Nothing I do seems to keep him "safe".
My husband packed the kids up and left. Just left. He took them to go out w/ MY mom and MY sister and her fiance for his b-day dinner and just left me home. I watched a show I recorded and had a beer. I feel better but I feel like a total jerk. I have so much stress and I'm having such a hard time coping.
My family is never there when I need them. They work & live far and when I'm stressed w/ no help...it's just me. I don't feel like I have family I can rely on.
My mother in law watches my niece like 3 x's a week but has no problem going weeks with out seeing my kids and she basically admitted to me that my niece is her favorite. It sucks and I really hate my mother in law for the way she is. I have such a hard time trying to like her. I feel fake and I'm not a fake person. I hate being around her. I hate having to be nice to her. I hate having to do anything with her because she is very unfair w/ my the kids. She favors my niece, she'll spoil her & buy her toys and clothes and take her to the rainforest cafe, choo choo diner and to plays and the circus but doesn't do anything with my kids. My niece's parents (are seperated) make $100,000 EACH! We make $70,000 total. Our kids don't get to do those extra's because money is tight. We are VERY fortunate to budget in a pass to the zoo and the arboretum and a trip to a indoor play area once a month. So it's not like my kids do with out but we're not as fortunate as my brother in law and ex sister in law and mother in law spoils the heck out of their child but does nothing for mine. We'll be out & she'll buy toys for my niece and NOTHING for my kids who are standing there and sometimes I Just can't budget something so they watch gifts being bought and get nothing from their own grandmother. I just wish she wouldn't do it in front of them. It bugs me that she does it at all but it really bugs me when they have to witness. I know it teaches them a lesson that they don't always get things and that they need to be happy with what they have but it's still obnoxious. Why shove her favortism in their faces? They'll grow up resenting her, which I find some peace in because I resent her so much.
She babysits for my ex sister in law so she can go to the spa or get her hair done or go out for martini's with her friends but never for me. I pay $10/ hour for someone to watch my kids if I need to get my hair done. Last year I quit getting it professionally done. I just dyed it from a box to get rid of grays so I didn't have to pay so frequently & would go 4 months w/ out a hair cut & get crappy cuts from great clips because they're faster. I can't spend $80 at a salon and $30 in babysitting. My husbands work schedule isn't reliable because guess what? he works for his mom. So if she needs to help out brother in law or ex sister in law then my husband has to work longer days or more days so I can't make appointments for fun. Making dr.'s appointments is about 4 weeks of scheduling. I'm tired of my life revolving around theirs and them being so spoiled w/ the free babysitting.
I don't expect someone to just do all this for me but it's hard living here and seeing it happen like 3 times a week. I can't wait for us to move, at least then my in laws won't be 3 min. down the road and ignoring us and treating my kids like they don't exist right under my nose.
What fumes me the most is how my Brother In law is a liar and my sister in law admitted to lying to the family and trying to ruin my marriage for 4 YEARS. Now that's dedication. And my mother in law jumps through hoops for them. My husband and I work hard and have no one to ever rely on and have been victims of his family for years. I wish we could cut ties but he works for them. In this economy he can't just up and quit. He has job security.
I commented on my friend's page last week that my mother in law said she wouldn't get my daughter a doll for Christmas because my niece takes her dolls in the tub & ruins them. UHM, what does my niece have to do with my daughter? It's not fair. She even bases the gifts she gets Amber off of Riley. Well, my brother in law went psycho & told my husband I'm talking sh*t and that he's done biting his tongue and it was crazy. He even copied and pasted the comment to my husband. My husband told him "dude, she didn't say anything bad" and so to get revenge, my brother in law told my mother in law I was saying bad things on Facebook. She asked me what Amber wanted (the other day) for Christmas and I said "well, my mom got her a doll and I got her..." and she cut me off and said "OH no, no dolls. I'm not getting either girl a doll"..................WTF? Uhm, my daughter LOVES dolls. That's all she really wants. So my mother in law said she saw some animal thing on the TV that she thinks my daughter would like. I 100% guarantee she won't like it, she's in a doll phase. She's 3. It's just her thing now, she's ignoring all her toys except for her dolls lately. I hope whatever my mother in law gets her comes w/ a gift receipt. Then she asked me to email her some non doll ideas.
Why won't she just get her what she likes? What is wrong with this woman?
So I did send her over a few things. Amber has a mobigo and could use a few new games. It was nearly impossible coming up with any other ideas. My daughter wanted the lalaloopsy doll. I bought that for her and my sister got her one in pink (I bought her yellow silly hair). My mom got her an Our Generation doll from Target that she wanted. She also wanted a Dora princess doll, she LOVES Dora and I couldn't put that on the list. I'm so frustrated.
I'm thinking of finding someone to talk to because I don't know how to deal with his family anymore. I know this is all trivial stuff, but 5 years of it is really taking a toll on me. I've never met a group of people who purposely try to continually hurt someone & who purposely want to hurt a childs feelings. It's so aggrivating. I am ready to snap.
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